Date: 2/10/23
Client: C, F, 38, 5/10, 9,2,4, 3/5, ViSUAL
Therapist: t
Client expectations : fear/ over-thinking
Client Information:
She is the strong pillar of the family
Abusive father, wonderful mother, brother and 3 sisters
Left home because father wanted to get her married, went alone to pune .
Worked hard for herself, got married, abusive and alcoholic husband
Wonderful in-laws who guided her to separate from husband
Son is a wonderful human being
Married again, very happy and finally says all her prayers are answered
Mental status examination :
**Gestures: **calm
Mood:
Less eye contact, stable, stiff at times
Speech rate:normal, soft tone
Thoughts :
Why I took birth
I am happy when I feed people
I don’t like talking to people
Negative thoughts and justifying them
overthinking
PRESENT SCENARIO: soul searching
Theme: Anxiety at not being acknowledged
Session 1:
Session 2:
Session 3: reframing very traumatic
Session 4
c: darkness
t: let’s get attuned to the darkness, feel around, is there another door there?
c: water
t: okay does it feel like water are you surrounded by water
c: no
t: okay where is the water
c: on my feet
t: okay, as you feel this water on your feet, does the water feel cold?
T: what type of water is it? is it a river water or sea water?
C: it is a well
T: you can feel the water on your feet in a well. Till where can you feel the water level?
C: it is up to the waist
T: how do you feel there inside the well having water up to the waste
C: I am afraid
T: why did you go there
C: I don’t know
T: is anyone calling you or can anyone hear you or can you call anyone around?
C: no
T: so are you alone there?
C: yes
t: so how did we go down
c: after opening the door
t: okay, so can we come out of this well?
c: yes
t: there could be something to hold on to and come out of the well; there might be places where you can hook your feet and come up; usually there are gaps in the Wall of the Wells to climb up
can you look around for those gaps and come up?
……
C: yeah, yes Maharaj is there!!! Maharaj is sitting
T: let us bow down in gratitude to him, which Maharaj is gracing us?
C: Gajanan Maharaj, he looks like Gajanan Maharaj
T: oh great!! and where is Maharaj sitting and where are you
C: Maharaj is sitting on the edge of the Wall of the well
T: can we slowly go up to him? let us both slowly bow down and offer are salutations to him; let us sit near him near Gajanan Maharaj
C: closing eyes tightly
T: what happened
C: his light is very brilliant
T: how does it feel it in the brilliance?
C: feels very strong, it’s very sunny
T: yeah it’s very sunny, how do you feel in this bright light
long pause
c: I feel the strong sun, heat and light
…
t: what are you aware of
c: there is a field
t: what is going on in the field
c: nothing special
t: when you felt the hot sun and The Bright light of Maharaj did it have any message for you? when you felt the warmth of this bright sign, was it coming from the from Maharaj
c: yes; that was out just when we came out of the well
t: okay, we came from the light to the fields, what are you doing in the field
c: I don’t have slippers, it hurts the feet
t: oh!! Are you a man or a woman
c: I am a woman, pink saree, I am very black
t: what does the women do in the field every day?
C: there is a basket on the head, she is looking with large eyes and she’s smiling and laughing
T: can you recognise the face
C: no
T: okay, look into her eyes can you recognise the eye? does the field belong to her?
C: I don’t know
T: let’s ask her, if she wants to tell us anything
C: she is smiling
T: okay, let us sit with her, look at her smile, see what she is doing or if she has anything to us say to us
C: there is a temple
T: what type of a temple is it
C: it is made up of black stones
T: okay
C: there is a small child
T: how does this small child look what is the child wearing
C: he has very less hair, big eyes, white clothes. he has put kajal in the eyes. there is Tilak on the forehead
T: what is the child doing in the temple
C: he. is playing. He has started to go somewhere
T: the child has started to go somewhere?
C: but where am I also going?
T: what are you doing there
T: Is this child different than you
C: yes
T: can you recognise the child?
C: no.
T: where are we going now
C: in the temple to do namaskar in front of God
T: which God’s temple is it
C: I think it is Shankar as Temple
T: are you a man or a woman in this lifetime, where you are in the temple
C: I am a woman
T: does this woman have a house somewhere?
C: yes just behind the temple
T: can we go home?
C: yes.
T: have you reached the home? how is the house?
C: it is very simple
it is made up of cow dung but it is very clean.
T: can you see any people in the house?
C: there is grandfather; and grandmother in a green saree
T: what would they call you, what is your name they call you with
C: no, they aren’t calling me.
T: who else is there in the house
C: No one other than aaji and ajoba, (grandparents) are there
T: yes okay. now what are you doing
C: I’m touching their feet
T: aaji is making bhakri
T: who is going to eat food?
C: now no one
T: okay, so who is Aaji making bhakri for? Let us wait for some time and see who all are coming home to eat food
C: I don’t know. ,that small child looks like this lady!!
T: So maybe the child belongs to that woman
C: hmmm yes. the child’s eyes are big like the woman’s.
T: beautiful
C: but I never been to this side
T: that’s all right. let us see what is happening, who else is there in the house.
there is grandfather, there is grandmother, that small child and that lady and the grandmother is making bhakri and…
c: I don’t know
t: okay, how do they run the house?
C: I don’t know
T: let’s wait for some more time.
C: I don’t recognise them
T: what else is happening there
C: I have black mud All Over Me
T: okay, so there is mud all over you, what are you doing?
what are you doing so that the black mud is all over you? are you involved with any work which involves Black mud?
C: yes
T: what type of work is it
C: I can’t figure out
T: ok let’s wait for a while
C: is it me? she is very dark, she looks like my mother
T: is it morning or afternoon
C: it is afternoon
T: take a deep breath and relax and let go
very good, relax with each and every Breath.
C: I may be 2 years old wearing a fur jacket, brown coloured, standing in a queue
people are pulling my cheeks
mumma had made a, ponytail; my hair are bobcut.
I, mom and dad are there. There are many people there, it is early morning 3or 4 o’clock.
we are waiting for Darshan. then we had gone to Pune, I needed dad because I wanted to sleep near him, so I crawled towards dad, but he was already asleep so he pushed me aside. I might be two three years old
pause
t: can you see what happened then?
Can you go 6 months before this time? take a deep breath and let go
C: I don’t remember anything
T: who else is there in the temple?
C: mummy, Bhosle aunty is there, Datta is there, Raju is there, Sachin and Suju are also there, there is a doggy brown in colour
T: how are you feeling there
C: it’s okay I am good I am happy I am feeling good
T: what are you wearing
C: it’s a frock white or off-white colour, I am a boy
T: is there any significant reason, why did you remember the situation? does it have any connection to our present life?
C: no
T: can you go back a little and remember when you were in your mother’s womb?
C: no
T: the time when you were being born?
just slowly go back in time, remember the time?
c: no
t: relax your forehead relax your eyes relax your shoulders and let go
Look to your left look to your right, what can you see or feel?
relax your mind
go to the reason for the need to be acknowledged
long pause
what are you aware of
visualise the feeling, visualise the feeling or go back to any incident in which you were not acknowledged visualise that feeling or the incident where you were not acknowledged, the frustration, the anxiety; the feeling of anxiety and frustration when you were not acknowledged
now from top of the Cliff see a bridge to another top of the cliff
this Bridge is of the anxiety and the frustration when you are not acknowledged. let us walk over the bridge, experience the frustration completely and the anxiety completely when you are not acknowledged. let us go beyond the bridge and see the reason
Let us keep walking over the bridge of frustration and anxiousness
experience it to the peak…
step down the bridge
what are you aware of?
what is it that makes you so anxious so stressful when you are not acknowledged? what are you aware of?
C: loneliness
T: where are you? how do you feel you are lonely?
C: after crossing the bridge, I am sitting on a stone somewhere
T: okay
C: looking at myself
T: why is the feeling of loneliness
can we ask ourselves why are we feeling lonely?
C: there is nobody with me.
T: ask yourself what do you want, whom do you want?
C: family, I need family
T: what do you mean by family?
C: everyone. Enjoying. I want the family to be enjoying, happy, celebration
I need celebrations
T: what do you mean by celebration? ask yourself what do you want when you mean celebration?
C: everyone should come together and enjoy together. celebrate all the festivals, dad’s birthday, Sundays
T: can everyone come together on every Sunday to celebrate?
C: no
T: so, probably, is it possible to fix one of the Sundays?
C: yes
T: what do you mean by celebration? what do you expect everyone to do together in a celebration?
C: play games, sing songs
T: does this happen in your home?
C: no, we don’t
we all did this earlier; we used to do this, not now
t: now what changed
c: no one is available.
T: so, if we decide beforehand, that let us make ourselves available, on this one Sunday or this one day, maybe in 2 months or 3 months, do you think will it be possible?
C: no, it will not be
T: so please ask yourself and see how will it be possible
C: just leave everyone with their ego
T: could it be that everyone’s priorities are different?
C: yes
T: tell me
C: (crying) I am going through a lot of pain taking care of everyone’s egos
I feel it is very difficult to take care of everyone’s egos
I go through a lot of agony, it is so difficult to keep everyone together
they misunderstand each other on small small things
everyone has at a lot of ego too
everyone is busy with themselves
t: yeah
c: mumbling , I tried. It is okay, i tried
t: yes you tried
c: at least I tried (sighing)
t: yes you did try
take a deep breath, take another long deep breath
t: even if there are 2, 3 people who are able to come together, can we begin to enjoy?
c : (deep breath) they behave very plastic. they don’t behave what they are; they are not natural and true in manner and I realise this; and I don’t like to behave in a plastic manner. I can’t smile or laugh plastic, I can’t appreciate anyone falsely; I can’t live that life of falsity, of not being genuine
I can’t behave like that
t: that is what you are made up of; and people are what they are
c: that is the reason why I don’t mix with many people
t: who are the people who are true on their face,
there must be some people in your family
c: my brother is there; my younger sister is also there. no one else.
T: then is it possible that you, your brother and your younger sister go out, on an outing in the morning and maybe come back in the evening on any one of the Sundays
C: oh no, they quarrel, they quarrel a lot
T: probably they might quarrel initially, but probably later on they might stop quarrelling.
C: could be
taking the deep breath
t: whose egos were you talking about? Which you are so troubled with?
C: elder sister, younger sister, mumma, baba, brother, elder sister’s children
when they come together, it gets very difficult
t: who else other than you takes responsibility of handling everyone’s egos
c: no one, mamma does try little but then she gives up
t: what makes you happy Piya
c: family makes me happy
t: who all are there in your family
c: Mayuresh papa …
Nachiket Shaurya, all the children, achuandan Suju, Sonal, rutwesh, mama, baba. Vicky, Nachiket Mayuresh han
t: okay so can we just understand, that when you spoke about handling the egos, you spoke about your sister, her children and everyone else and when I asked you what makes you happy, the first words that came out were Mayuresh and papa
c: (smiles) yes
t: is this correct or am I wrong?
c: yeah, correct
t: yes, so if you could shift your focus a little from your brother and sisters and the other family to Mayuresh and papa, do you think you will be in a more peaceful frame of mind?
C: yes yes
T: and who is responsible for your happiness?
C: me
T: exactly darling
C: only me
T: can you have expectation from anyone else, for your happiness?
C: no
T: even if you tried your best, can you make others always happy?
C: no
T: exactly. you can keep trying your best, because that is what you are made of; but your happiness is your own your responsibility. And you will create it, right?
C: yes
T: you will create your own happiness. And while prioritising, you mentioned, what and who makes you happy
So, what you do? shift your focus a little.
we are not going to ignore anyone, no no
but we will make ourselves happy first.
C: yes
T: and you can play games with them, enjoy with them; but the people who make you happy, give them happiness first
(she is taking another deep breath) and even if you don’t get acknowledged from these people it won’t matter to you. because these people give you happiness
C: true
T: because we expect acknowledgement from the people who never realize and value our efforts, of making them happy or keeping them happy
C: true
T: and it is okay
C: right
T: it is okay that they don’t understand what you are doing for them
C: yeah
T: that they don’t understand your contribution because, many a times it is taken for granted that you will be equally good always, because you are a good person.
we will not stop being good, but we will stop expecting acknowledgement from people who don’t understand our contribution
c: hmm
t: and we will give happiness to the people who make us happy
c: right
t: we will play games with them and we will celebrate, then everyday can be a celebration.
C: right
T: take a deep breath, be with yourself for a few moments and integrate our learnings.
C: why do I feel dry, spent up
T: why do we feel dry, because we have not acknowledged the love from the people who make us happy and we have spent our emotions on the people who don’t acknowledge us; and we kept trying to pacify them, even manaoing the people who really don’t care for us.
So we have spent ourselves up.
C: I can see a glow
T: How was the glow
C: there is a white aura
T: can we just go there and sit with him again
C: blue purple, everything is purple.
he is wearing a white dhotar (dhoti), there is Rudraksh Malas around his neck, he has a straight nose, he is elderly, aged, old just, sitting on the edge with one foot up and one foot down.
there is a white colour uparna on his upper body
there is Tilak on his ears
he is just sitting there looking towards the sky
eyes are closed
t: experience yourself sitting with him one more time. the peace, the calmness, the expansion. experience this feeling of being with him.
let us now be in gratitude and thank him for his Darshan. we are blessed
…
T: what are you aware of
why are you laughing
c: I don’t know why I am laughing. that women in the pink saree with a basket on top of her head, why is she still laughing… I am still wondering
t: it maybe she wants you to laugh a little more
c: (laughing more) her child is also laughing
t: great
c: the child has got tagar flower in his ears, or is it Prajakta flower
t: so cute
does the child have any name
call the child by his name
c: Gopal
t: okay
c: her name is Avadi
t: beautiful name
c: there are many earthen pots kept there. maybe they are Kumbhars, potters.
there is lots of softened mud
there is a Calf of a cow too
t: great. Let us go a little ahead in the life of Avadi
let us see what happens later in the life of Avadi
c: now I can’t see it
t: okay relax
c: in the green saree, I can see, is it me or is it mama? but she is a South Indian
she has large eyes and Tilak kunku is how South Indians wear. there are piercings in both sides of nose
she is in the mud adding water, dancing in the mud, softening it and smiling looking towards me
t: where is the husband of that lady and who is Avadi and the small baby
c: no, Avadi must be her sister. Because they have the same eyes.
Gopal is mostly Avadi’s son.
Aaji and Ajoba are also there
the husband is not there
t: okay
c: the lady in the green is wearing a necklace of flattened round coin beads made of silver or steel;
her name is probably Meenakshi
she is wearing half saree. she must have pulled her saree up na because she is working in the mud
now I can’t understand anything more
(smiling) everyone calls Meenakshi Amma and she is definitely a South Indian
T: can we figure out the year, which year it could be? maybe if there is a board on the temple
the name of the temple, or the name of the place
c: maybe 1674
t: okay 1674
c: or is it 1374 yes it is 1374 the three and six 1374
t: does that lady look happy
c: yeah she is she is happy. I am speaking something which I can’t understand
it is 13 48 there is some number which I am not able to understand is it 48 or 47 but it is is it Marathi or some other language I can’t understand the language but it could be 1347 or 1348
there is a village behind it and there is a very huge, tall Temple with a gopuram, beyond the fields
but it is very far
t: how is the village? is it made of huts or anything else?
C: ye
T: is it beautiful
C: yes it is not very big
T: which trees are there
C: tamarind, I can see only tamarind trees
oh I think one of it is Mahuva tree or Palash I don’t know
there is a field, but now the grass has turned yellow
that’s all
t: take a deep breath and relax yourself completely
…
T: what are you aware of
C: Oh there is bright light again
T: be with that bright light
…
T: what are you aware of
C: smiling,
T: Masters blessings
spend some more time in the bright light
………
C: there is a queen in Indonesia or somewhere.
T: okay look at the place, look at her Palace
C: there are many steps and she is sitting on top
T: can we climb up
now can you see how the queen looks like
c: yes she is short with a round face
t: look down at your feet what are you wearing
c: there are anklets there. very thick and heavy ones
t: and how are you dressed?
C: they are white.
I am her… laughing
How?
T: ask yourself what are you doing there
What year could it be?
C: there is a random number which is coming to my mind 1508
T: okay , its 1508, you are a queen wearing white clothes, sitting on top of the stairs
What is the queen doing? What are the duties of the queen?
C: she is talking to everyone
she is blessing/ discussing
t: do people come and tell her their problems?
C: no,
I think they are her staff.
T: how does she feel? Is she happy?
C: yes she smiling
she is giving some instruction
she is very well dressed and very well adorned with jewellery laughing
t: haha, she is the queen
c: she has very long hair
she has got a lotus
t: who else is there in her house? let us go to her dining table and see during her dining time who is having food with her
c: there are many women there
t: okay
c: but they are not eating
probably they are playing something
she is sitting down on the floor, she is writing something
C: there is a waterfall and a Golden Temple
she is mostly offering prayers there
t: okay
c: she is going in a Boat
there is a lot of fog
there is a stone cave there
she has a small child with her, not very small …mumbling
t: does that child have a name
c: khimsa kinsa
…
it is most probably a Ganpati Temple
she has got down from her boat
there is a White Horse there, it’s not a real one, it is a statue of a white horse and it has got feathers;
there is an old man with a red cap
he is very old
t: look at his eyes and see if you can recognise him
c: he is very old, very thin with very small eyes
there are many wrinkles on his face, and his eyebrows are also very long
he has got a long, white beard
his hair is also white
but his eyes are closed
his face is a little like a monkey
the Ganpati is very big and I am very small in front of it
I can’t even reach up to his feet
C: the crown on my head is very heavy The crown is very heavy
T: the Queen’s Crown?
C: yes it hurts, it is piercing somewhere. It’s a tall, heavy crown
I am very small
T: what do you mean by small
C: I am very small in front of God
T: aren’t we all very small in front of God?
C: Making some sounds, mumbling
T: take a deep breath…….
T: are you praying there? What is happening there
C: I am chanting Mantra
I am leaving from there now
…
t: let us go to a significant day in the life of the queen
c: the darbar is going on in the palace.
And there are a lot of people there,
and I am behind a curtain
I am worried
T: worried of what
C: there is something going on
Probably war?
T: is the king also there
C: yes
I am standing behind a curtain
my son is also there
what are they discussing ??
I am crying
T: look at your child
C: he is sitting in the lap of the king
Smiling
T: what happened
C: he looks good
the child looks cute
frown on the face
t: what happened
c: everyone is running
I don’t know what is happening
T: be there
C: there is a winding staircase, I am running down the spiral stairs
Rocks are falling down
I am stuck
Mumbling
T: as the rocks are falling down and you are climbing down the stairs, you get stuck on the stairs
C: no I am stuck where the where the staircase ends
Abreactions: frowning on forehead, worried face, leg movements and fear
C: calling
I am calling for people
I am shrieking and shouting a a h h
Abreactions: body twisting, expression of horror, very heavy breath, deep moaning sounds. Face turning left and right
T: take a deep breath, I am with you. Relax your legs, your hands, relax your forehead, your face
Its all in the past
what is happening
c: I am suffocating
c: aahhhh, aaahhhh
t: as you relax your body, your breathing shall also return normally.
Relax your forehead, your face, your chest and take a short breath, very good, now take a bigger breath, very good
abreaction: sighing and moaning with fear and despair
t: take another deep breath
what is happening
c: i am all alone. (desperation)
T: take another deep breath
C: mumbling, very softly : I am stuck I am stuck
ahhhh
crying softly
t: move a little ahead in time
c: loudly: Garuda is here
heavy short breathing
t: where are you
c: softly and sadly:
I am not moving
my eyes are open
and perhaps I am dead crying
Deep anguish
Releasing a big breath with force
T: I’m with you. What happened, is gone now
T: take a deep breath, I am with you. Relax your legs, your hands, your forehead
C: aah, aah
T: take another deep breath and let go
(She is following the instructions well now)
T: where are you
C: I am there itself
T: okay
Look down at your body
C: the body is not there with me now.
I am in the air, like a black shadow
(still shattered)
T: what is the shadow doing?
how is the soul feeling
c: it is not feeling anything
it is painful
my son!! where is my son
I don’t know where my son is
I cannot help
I am alone
Her face has become very dreadful
T: why? why is the face so dreadful
C: eyes are open and the face has become all white
T: but that is the body and where is the soul
from where are you looking at the body
c: from the air
I will have to go
T: where will you have to go
c: back
t: where back
who is asking you to go back
c: there is a rope
it is pulling
it is pulling my black shadow
but I want to see my child once, and I can’t see him
I don’t know what happened to him
I have to go
Deep breath
T: where are you
C: now I am just a part of the clouds
T: how does it feel
C: breathing heavily
T: relax your feet relax your face Relax your eyebrows
she is breathing on her own taking long. Deep breaths
t: I am there with you
tell me
take another deep breath and let go
Every Breath bringing in relaxation, every exhalation removing any stress or tension wherever it might be
Take another deep breath and let go
….
are you feeling a little settled now
c: hmm yes
feeling drained out
may i give you some water?
Emerge
After session discussion
t: what do you feel now
c: ummm
t: are you ok? Some more water?
C: no I am good
I can remember her face even now
she was very beautiful
t: you are beautiful too.
C: no no , she was very beautiful
T: your eyes are beautiful even now
c: no my eyes are quite like meenakshi’s
t: okay your eyes like Meenakshi
do you know Meenakshi is the name of mother Parvati
c: oh really yeah yeah I can draw a picture she was so beautiful, but black, but so beautiful
baap re
we finished, roght?
T: yes
oh my god, how can something like this come to our mind, it was such a heavy experience, how can it even happen
t: because our souls never die
we get new body but the soul remains the same
c: I was able to see the Queen’s detailing better than Meenakshi’s.
there I had to struggle to see
I could understand I was a huge black Shadow and it was being pulled.
i was resisting it, but I didn’t see who was pulling me
I just couldn’t see it
I am still trying to remember everything
Suggestions : completion and closure with father physically
Fllow-up: she feels like a new person.