Client Vitals
Nora,F,43,10/10,2/5,A(12)V(11),Anger, Relationship,10/10,1/10(after)
The client is struggling with frequent anger and sadness, seeking therapy to understand why get easily angered. Often crying unexpectedly or laughing uncontrollably. She feels she gives a lot to others but doesn’t receive the same care and support in return.
The client had a troubled childhood. Her mother left for work when she was five, and her alcoholic father was abusive towards her while neglecting her siblings. She endured severe abuse, including physical violence and emotional trauma.
The client is in a live-in relationship where her partner is caring when sober but becomes abusive when drunk. His behaviour is similar to her father’s, causing her to feel trapped in a painful pattern. She wants to understand and manage her emotions better and improve her relationship.
Number of sessions and overview – 5 sessions.
3rd session
27th July 2024 – Stage 8 to 11-1040-1340 / (10.00am – 01.00pm) 3hrs
Induced using Dave Elman, then progressive relaxation
Visualization- Light, Stairs and Forest
Client had I beautiful childhood memory at the age of 2. We proceed further from there.
T: Take your time to explore and share with what comes to your awareness?
C: I was scared.
T: What is making you scared?
C: I killed
T: You killed? Who did you kill?
C: I am soldier
T: A soldier. So you killed that as part of your duty?
C: It’s an evil thing. Killed for pleasure.
T: You are killing for pleasure.
C: Yes, this is very long back. The uniform is grey colour and I’m holding a rifle.
T: Where are you? Is it a battlefield?
C: Yes, but I’m laughing
T: How do you look?
C: Old man.
T: What is your age there?
C: I think he’s around 50s.
T: Would you know what era or what year this is?
C: I think 60s.
T: 1960s?
C: I think so, not sure, but yeah.
T: Are you still at the battlefield?
C: Yeah.
T: What is happening?
C: I’m with the squad drinking coffee with them.
T: Would you know who you are representing and who you are fighting with?
C: Civilians.
T: You’re a soldier for?
C: I’m not just a soldier, I’m a leader.
T: Where is this, which part of the world?
C: I don’t know, I cannot see, but it’s a village. But He is Spanish.
T: You were saying that he’s being cruel by killing civilians.
C: Yes for pleasure.
T: How do the people feel being killed?
C: Scared, screaming, but he’s laughing.
T: Is there anyone else around?
C: No.
T: You were drinking coffee with who?
C: With comrades, fellow soldiers.
T: Okay, I just want you to take a moment and just look at your fellow soldiers and see if you recognize any one of them from your current life.
C: No.
(Upon waking up client said one of the soldier looked like her current partner but she felt it was not possible, that’s why she didn’t share. This could be something we can explore for next session)
T: I want you to take a moment and try to hear what they call you, what is your name.
C: Samches
T: Let’s explore further on the same life of this soldier. Let’s see what comes through.
C: He was a small boy with a sad life and no father.
T: Is this the life of the soldier as a small boy?
C: Yes. He always sits in the corner and cry.
T: No father right you said? Who is he staying with?
C: With the fat mother.
T: Fat mother? How was his mother towards him?
C: Yeah…Not so good.
T: What kind of life he had?
C: He is poor, sad and lonely.
T: How old are you?
C: Seven. He was wearing a jumper suit with a hat. Old style.
T: Where is this boy right now?
C: In the house.
T: Find a mirror in the house and try to look at yourself. How do you look? How do you feel? (Silent for some time but with sad expression it seems like you are experiencing something?)
C: He is looking also in the mirror behind. I mean both look sad.
T: Both look sad?
C: Yeah, in the same mirror, he is standing beside. Both of us are so sad.
T: Would you know what is making him feel so sad?
C: Honestly because no fatherly love and he is not getting the love from his mother.
(Client was tearing, wiped her tears with her permission)
T: You was saying that you are also there. Can you tell me what is making you feel sad?
C: Because I look at him and he feels so sad. So I feel so sad too.
T: So the sadness which you are experiencing there, have you ever experienced in your life here as Nora?
C: Yes.
T: And when was that?
C: Everyday it is.
T: Would you know why that is? Take some time and explore your feelings, allow it to come to your understanding?
C: I think I am carrying that sadness within me.
T: The boy had a sad life but remember that is a life which you have already lived. All the painful feelings he experienced, that sadness, loneliness and lack of love. Try to find the connection to Nora and what do you want to do about it? Share with me if you are you getting any clarity or what comes to your awareness?
(After long silence)
C: I held his hand and went for a walk.
T: What made you do that?
C: I want him to know that he is not alone.
T: And how is he feeling now?
C: He is happy.
T: Where are you? Are you still going for a walk with him?
C: Yes. Walking further and further.
T: If any message that little boy can give to you, what would it be?
C: Assurance that somebody will be there. Who can make you smile and happy. Just like him
T: So he is telling you not to worry, that there will be definitely someone who can take care of you.
C: He never say that but from the smile on his face. He is jumping while walking, moving, holding hands, he is so happy. Don’t be afraid I am there for him.
T: And in return, how are you feeling now?
C: I am happy that I made him happy. I made him smile.
T: Remember you were also sad looking at the mirror? What can make you happy?
C: To make him happy. Because it’s so sad that I walk while looking at the mirror with him. He is so sad.
T: Now since you have helped him to be happy, do you think that you can be happy too?
C: If you want, one day you will be happy I know (this is like a message to herself)
T: You actually did something so wonderful for the little boy who was feeling all alone. By letting him know that you are there he is feeling happy and cared. The most important thing here is how you are feeling from the whole experience. The shift within you is most important. We will continue further exploring the life of this little boy. Is that’s okay with you?
C: Okay.
Here I realize probably should have re-check on the feeling of sadness, if it was still there should have released it fully. But probably will re-check in next session but at the same time I find this beautiful as the client did an inner child healing on her own.
T: Which year or era is this?
C: It’s 1600.
T: 1600? Meaning the early memory of the soldier is from 1600 no 1960 right?
C: I think so. The house is old. Everything is old.
T: In the house, it’s only you and mother or is there anyone else?
C: Just he and the mother.
T: I want you to take the time and go closer to your mother and look into her eyes and see if you recognise her from this life.
C: It seems impossible because I can see my grandma on my mother’s side.
T: Remember whatever is coming to you, it is for you. So you feel your mom there is your grandma from this life? How was your relationship?
C: She passed away when I was a small but what I know she is the one who took well care of me when I was born. She did all the washing and cooking. But I am not that close to her. She is a bit distant and reserve.
C: How old were you when she passed away?
T: I was in my 30s.
T: Now I want you to explore what happened to this little boy who you described as being poor, sad, and lonely. What happened to him by the time he reached 50 years? How he turn into such a cruel soldier.
C: He was taken away by force, they put him on the ship.
T: Who is they?
C: Soldiers and his mum was crying and weeping but she cannot do anything. They put him on the ship. He was like a prisoner there together with other kids. This made him angrier day by day.
T: Do you know why he was taken away and where were they taking all this children?
C: Train to become a soldier. Actually earlier when I saw him as a soldier while he was smoking, he was still thinking of his mom. He misses her a lot. Even he is all grown up but still miss her.
T: With all the anger he was carrying within him? What did that make him into? How that affected his life?
C: He was trained to kill people.
T: So he was not feeling anything when he killed these people because from the age of probably seven or eight, he was already being trained to kill. To the point that it become normal or was this his duty to just kill people?
C: It’s not his duty anymore.
T: Can you explain on this?
C: He feels great to have a power. Because when he was a child, he was so helpless. So it’s just something like revenge.
T: What more comes to your awareness or understanding?
C: I can just see him imagining his mom putting his uniform button. He’s really looking for that love.
T: Moving forward, let’s explore any other significant event and understand from a greater perspective why they happen and what they really mean.
(Gave some time to explore)
C: Me and the soldier are standing on top. There is the high mountain and we are talking.
T: What are you talking about? You be able to share with me?
C: He is holding my shoulder and telling me that DON’T LET THE ANGER KILL MY SOUL. (I feel this message was so profound and important for client)
T: The anger which Nora is holding on within her, from where is the origin?
C: Lack of love. Our parents took our childhood for granted
T: What more is coming to your awareness?
C: Just me and him, still standing on that mountain.
T: He remembers that you were with him when he was much younger?
C: I think so because he is holding me as though he knows me.
T: He said something very strong here. He said that don’t let the anger kill your soul. What made him say this to you? Did he do that to himself? Did his anger kill his soul?
C: Yes he did that to himself and become so cruel.
T: Ask him, what can you do in your life as Nora to prevent from this happening to you?
(Client was silent for long but tears started rolling down) When I asked what is making her emotional?
C: We are touching each other’s heart. He put his palm on my chest and mine on his. We are HEALING EACH OTHER. (Again this was another beautiful self-healing)
T: Isn’t that beautiful?
C: Yes and he said if I want love, I should give love. And stop trying too hard or stop being too hard on myself. I should show love too, not asking for love only.
T: Meaning love is the answer here.
C: Yes.
T: How are you feeling when he is healing your heart? What is the experience?
C: It’s beautiful.
T: That little boy, that soldier, is part of you. A life that you have lived before and carry forward some emotions with you. This is so beautiful that your own self has healed yourself. We need to take a moment and really experience this fully. Let every part of you be healed completely with this love. If there is still any anger you are holding within yourself, what would you want to do with it?
C: I shouldn’t feel angry with everything in my life. I have to focus with the beautiful things, the blessings. And be thankful for those people who loves me. And for those who don’t, then I shouldn’t chase for that love. Maybe they love me, but I’m not seeing on the other side. Maybe I refuse to accept that.
T: This is a great understanding from a higher perspective.
C: I should forgive my father. It’s been 30 years that I cannot give love, I cannot talk to him, I cannot hug him. I’m not talking to him actually until now. So I think I should. But he keeps on looking for me, he keeps on asking for me, but I refused.
T: What is stopping you?
C: Hate, Anger.
T: I want you to take a moment and try to explore that anger you have towards your father. From where is the origin? Is it from the little boy to the soldier? Is there any connection?
C: I think there is. Because he never felt loved by his father too.
T: So what would you like to do about this anger you have within you? You’re partly being healed through your own self. If there is anything else, any anger you’re still holding on within yourself, would you like to continue carrying with you or you want to leave it behind?
C: I should leave it behind.
(Told the client to scan and see if she is holding on to any emotion at any part of her body. There was nothing. Than we focus on the emotion of sadness and anger which she is carrying forward. We release and left the emotion behind)
T: How do you feel?
C: Wonderful.
Last breath
90 years old, is at the end of his life, at home with the daughter present who is in her 40’s. Client identifies the daughter as sister from the current life. The client feels the effects of old age. The last thought is a desire to hug his mother. The client confirms she have connected with their spiritual guide but does not need further communication. The session concludes with the client exploring the spiritual space further before coming out.
4th session
10th Aug 2024 – Emotional support 1400-1600 / (2-4pm) 2hrs
After the 3rd session, we had initially scheduled a 4th session for August 3rd, but the client made a last-minute change to August 10th. On August 8th, the client called me feeling very emotional, as her 3 year relationship had just ended, and she wasn’t sure what to do.
We met on August 10th, but the client was too emotional to proceed with the session. I gave her the space to vent and release her feelings. She mentioned that she had often prayed to leave the relationship but never managed to do so. Somehow, she would always go back to him. It seems that the universe gave her what she had asked for, or what was best for her, though she can’t fully understand it at the moment. A part of her understands that this is for her best, but she is struggling to accept it. We agreed to meet again for a session, but she requested some time to settle her emotions first.
5th session
31st Aug 2024 – Stage 8 to 10-1430-1700 / (02.30pm – 05.00pm) 2hrs 30mins
Induced using Dave Elman, just into progressive relaxation
Twice during the session, about 10 minutes in, the client started crying and asked to stop. Her memories of him were being triggered. We took a 20 minute break and did some breathing exercises. I also encouraged her to pray for strength. During the relaxation part, she teared up again. I asked if she was feeling anything and told her she could share with me. She remained quiet, still crying. I wiped her tears. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and said, “I can’t do this. It’s not working. I’m sorry.”
I was surprised but reminded her that she controls the session. I told her there was no need to apologize and asked what she wanted to do next.
The client has been struggling to relax, as her emotions are still unsettled. Her partner has been in and out of her life, creating an emotional rollercoaster. At times, he gives her hope, but then quickly makes her feel terrible. He has even shown her pictures of himself with his new girlfriend. Despite all of this, the client still holds onto hope that the relationship can continue. During the history taking process, the client had shared that she feels emotionally attached to him. She reiterated this during our recent conversation, saying that only with him does she feel such a strong emotional bond. In her previous breakups, the dynamic was often reversed, she had two past relationships where the men were the ones begging and holding out hope for reconciliation, even years after their breakup.
Currently, there are no sessions scheduled, but I check in on her from time to time and offer emotional support whenever she needs it.
INTEGRATION
- Connected to the small boy’s pain of not having fatherly love.
- Have experienced similar sadness in current life.
- How anger changed the soldier into being so cruel, felt her anger is changing her into a bitter person. Could really understand the importance of the message “DON’T LET THE ANGER KILL MY SOUL”
CLOSURE
- Pain level drop to 1.
- Felt light and happy after the inner child healing and self-healing.
- As per the message she is going to give love in order to receive love. She has always kept a distance from her family from the fear of being hurt.
- Wants to reconnect with her father.
REPORT AND RECOMMENDATION
• Client wants to try mediating in order to go within but she can’t close her eyes. Always feels someone is watching her. I recommended her to visualise the bright divine light which is protecting her always and for start she can do it with her eye open.
• We also spoke about being mindful when facing a stressful situation and what anger does to her.
• Report emailed to client.
