Dear Amarantos Family
**With the blessings of God and the guiding light of Dr Venu, I completed the PLR session.
Client’s name : Sargam(name changed)/F/41 yrs/ Employed/Divorced
VAK: 7/6/2
Eye Roll: 2
Hypnotisability: 8
Pain level before: 8
Pain Level After: 2
Case History:
Sargam is the first born in a family with two daughters.
Her father fell in love with a Muslim girl but she did not reciprocate the emotions. To show that he was unaffected, he married her cousin but did not love her. So, the marriage of her parents was one of compromise and very tumultuous. Throughout childhood, her father was very strict and did not feel much connection.
Her mother had a younger sister who stayed with them for studying and took care of the kids. There were times parents have fought and moved to their rooms, leaving children to fend for themselves. There mother’s sister took care.
She had brief periods of connection with father but overall, he was distant. Growing up, she had a feeling of inadequacy in her and felt that she was not worthy of being loved. Academically, she suffered and did not do very well.
There were other details that pointed to some lack of self-worth. She says that she was too hard on herself.
However, once it came to area of work, she did well. Maybe pushed internally by the sense of inadequacy or to prove her worth, she worked very hard and did well. In the office, for no-nonsense attitude and focus on work, she grew but had no friends. Finally, she met someone who showed interest in her and she fell for him. They married, had a son but after a while there were issues and the marriage was on the verge of breakdown. She felt attracted to other men and realized it was not good sign. Best part is that she did not hide and shared with husband. They decided to make it work for a while but when it did not show improvement, they divorced. Then started life as single mother with son. Her mother is supportive in all this.
There was a younger guy she met after some time. They connected and agreed to be in a relationship but something felt not 100%. She did not marry, they did not move in but they were together. After some time, she confronted him, with question about infidelity as she heard rumours and he threatened to break up. Shortly after that she broke up with him when it started to be apparent that everyone except her knew of his escapades. But she has not able to get over him mentally. Her mother had cautioned her about him.
As a single mother and a very supportive son, she has a good life. But even after break-up, she is not entirely over him. Feels emptiness. As far as workplace is concerned, she works hard but always feels that she may lack something.
In all her ups and downs, her mother steadfastly stands with her and without any hesitation shows the mirror of truth, even if she does not like it.
Theme Finalization
After History Taking, we discussed and came to the conclusion that she experiences a sense of lacking, some shortcoming that may lead to failure.
Hence, theme was finalized as Fear of failure
Session 1 and Session 2
The first two sessions was done in one day.
Session one began around 3pm and by 3.45 first 5 stages were done. She was ready and not much introduction was required. Then Session 2 began around 4pm with History Taking and till 5.30pm, it continued.
For Cognitive fatigue, I played a calming relaxation video and went on to Theme Finalization**. Fear of Failure** was her exact need and she wanted it…so was it. She did not take time for framing theme.
We took a bio break, relaxed awhile and started the stages 9 onwards around 6pm.We began the Induction and HM was completed by 8.15pm when she emerged a bit groggy. During HM, she remembered moments of joy with her father as well, with sister and mother and aunt. She was smiling.
She reported sleeping soundly that night and she was relatively relaxed. We met next day.
Session 3
This session was done next day. It started around 6 pm and went on for nearly 2.45 hrs.
After going into trance with Dave Elman, Progressive Relaxation, Garden of Peace on a beach, Tunnel of Light and Affect Bridge built of a scathing fear of failure.
T: This is what therapist said.
C: This is what client said.
T: What do you see?
C; Keeps quiet and pauses after a moment
T: What do you see?
C: (smiles) I see 3 boys….I am one in the middle…friends
T: what are you wearing?
C: Some kind of tribal attire. All of us are from the same tribe…seems like somewhere in Africa. They are my friends. We are drinking…
T: How old are you three?
C: Around 10 or 11. In our tribe we are allowed to enjoy.
T: What do you see yourself doing at other times of the day?
C; We are training…someone is training us. One boy’s father is the present chief but I am doing better than the rest. I am being brought up by them only …they are as good as my family.
T; Where is your family?
C; I can’t see them…don’t know…they say something…not clear. But I am happy with this family and my friends and training.
T: What year is this?
C; (keeps quiet)…not clear…Can’t say…But we are leading a tribal life…the Chief is all powerful.
T:. At the count of 3 allow yourself to go to the next important event in your life. What do you see?
C; Smiles…I am getting married. Very beautiful girl. Most lovely face I have ever seen.
T: How old are you now?
C: Around 16…she loves me and we are happy from the very first moment.
T; At the count of 3 allow yourself to go to the next important event in your life. What do you see?
C; I have a son…he is a toddler now…three of us are so happy.
T: How old are you now?
C; Around 20.
T: At the count of 3 allow yourself to go to the next important event in your life. What do you see?
C; Quiet(face shows a irritated expression)
T; Is there anything new you see that may want to share?
C; My wife is telling something…I do not like it. This is not the first time she is saying this?
T: How is she saying it to you? Does she look angry? What is it?
C; She is not angry but worried. That is the problem. She keeps saying that my friends pretend in front of me and actually hate me. She fears that they may conspire behind my back.
T: How old are you now?
C: Around 30.
T; What do you feel about what your wife says?
C: I do not like it. I do not want to hear it. By now, I had done so well that it has been decided that I am going to be the next chief and my friends have agreed.
T; Have you seen them saying so?
C; We were drinking and they said so. The friend whose father is chief now looked a bit sad but said he is happy for me.
T; At the count of 3 allow yourself to go to the next important event in your life. What do you see?
C; I am the chief…the person who was chief before me is very happy. He and his wife have brought me up as their son…they have tears of joy in their eyes… They are blessing me and my wife. We are very happy. My wife is still worried but not telling aloud. Told me earlier.
T; Where are your friends?
C; They are not present here. Maybe busy somewhere else. That is what my wife said when she saw they are not there. They are not here because they are jealous of me. I refuse to believe. I love her but cannot have faith in her and disbelieve my friends….
T: At the count of 3 allow yourself to go to the next important event in your life. What do you see?
C; I am with my friends…We are having an argument?
T: What is it about? How many years have you been the chief by now?
C: My friends are not listening to me…something has happened…They are shouting about my decision as a chief. I have been chief for almost 15 years now. I became chief a little after 30…now I am 45
T: Is this the first time they are behaving like this?
C: Yes…they are talking about so many things of the past…shouting….something they gave me….I can’t breathe…I think they have poisoned me…I can’t speak…(Shows visible discomfort)
T: Please breathe in and breathe out…relax…it is not happening to you now…relax…breathe…You may float above and see…it is not happening now…you are safe now… At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the beginning of this life.
C; (quiet for some time)…I see my mother…she is holding a baby. That’s me. My father is wearing Chief’s headgear! (disbelief). My father is Chief. My mother smiling at my father…holding me…(sounding excited)
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to a meal time. Who all are there? How old are you?
C; me…father, mother…I am about 5 yrs…I have a sister…Sister and an old grandmother…we are sitting on the floor…some mats…
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to the next significant moment in this life.
C: My father is the Chief…is starting a celebration …all in festive mood…dressed in the tribe’s traditional festive dress…men and women have something on their back…like white wings attached…all dancing in circles and very happy….
T: Allow yourself to see what happens in the coming days at the count of 3, 2,1.
C: (cries but stops) My parents…my sister…a lot of people in the tribe dies after eating something…everyone had not tasted it…I hadn’t… and my grandmother. I was with my friends…she was sitting elsewhere…I don’t know. The family of one of my friends started taking care of us…they treat me like of their sons.
T: What happens to grandmother?
C: We stay at home…i train and she is there…only blood relation.
T: How old are you now?
C: I was a little over ten when this happened…I am not sad as in they all take good care of me. My friends are my family. I trust them.
T: At the count of 3, 2, 1 allow yourself to a significant moment in this life?
C: (eyebrows twitched) I am married. I love my wife and she loves me. She is pretty but she is against my friend…she tells me they are not showing their true self…I am angry with her.
T: At the count of 3, 2, 1 allow yourself to a significant moment in this life?
C; I am becoming Chief at 30…Not my friend after his father. His father was Chief in the in-between period, after my father’s death. Everyone agreed that of the three of us, I should become the Chief. I deserve it…My friends are happy but my wife still tells the same.
T: At the count of 3, 2, 1 allow yourself to a significant moment in this life?
C; My friends are not listening to me…something has happened… something they gave me….I can’t breathe…I think they have poisoned me…I can’t speak…(Shows visible discomfort)
T: Please breathe in and breathe out…relax…it is not happening to you now…relax…breathe…You may float above and see…it is not happening now…you are safe now…
C: I am feeling better…peaceful.
T: Where are you now?
C: I see a light…big light…feel good
T: it is the divine presence…seek the blessings
C: I want to know why my friends betrayed me? I am feeling so guilty for not listening to her…my wife
T: You may seek guidance, message, blessings from the light.
C: Long pause…I trusted them too much…The light made me feel that I should have listened to my wife. She had cautioned me repeatedly. I failed her and everything fell apart. I have to trust but also wise enough to judge. I need to pay attention to the ones who really matter, to their voice of caution.
T: You may release your guilt and request for the light to bless you.
C; I am feeling better…I am going to remember the words…I feel good
T: If you want to remain longer in the light…feel free, let me know when you are ready.
C: (after a very long pause, raises the hand and her eyeballs keeps flitting)…I see something…
What are you seeing?
C: Two kids playing…one boy and a girl playing
T: Look at your feet…what are you wearing…
C: I am wearing bellies…I am a girl…That boy is my friend …He is Kiran…Kiranjeet
T: What is your name?
C: My name…he calls me Tejas….wait… it’s Tejaswini…I like it when others call Tejas
T; Great…so what do play?
C; We…play together…just the two of us. I do not have other friends. I do not like other friends.
T: Why is that ?
C: We live in houses opposite each other, we were born on the same day! Maybe so!
T: How old are you?
C: Around 2 years.
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: We still play together and we have realized something.
T: what is that if you like to share?
C: (hesitates a little) We are designed unique…We are lodged in opposite gender bodies.
T: Could you elaborate?
C: I am a girl but I feel like a boy. But Kiran feels like a girl. We share this secret.
T: How old are you now?
C: I am about 6 years now. And we have been sharing this secret for some time?
T: Are there other children?
C: Ever since we were little, people would look and say that they should get us married but we feel like siblings.
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: We are going to college now…we are good friends. But I am meeting other girls and boys. I am interacting with others. But Kiran only has me for a friend.
T: How do you feel about it?
C: He is my best friend, the only person in the world who understands me. But that does not mean that we cannot have other friends. Of late we are quarrelling at times.
T; Have you spoken or met with your friend?
C: I tried. He did not speak. He has become a recluse. I could not break through his wall.
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: I see a lot of people smiling. All are coming to see me. I am going to get married! I am happy…for the first time, this year, I am happy with myself as myself…why can’t he take that?
T: Do you see friend?
C: Kiran is not here. He has not turned up. We met last time and he tried to explain that I should not get married. We cannot…But I do not think so…I like my husband-to-be…I am happy and Kiran is sad. Kiran has locked him up in his house.
T: Have you tried to talk to Kiran?
C: He has refused to. He is hurt and is hurting, refusing to understand Me! Is it wrong to be happy?
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: C: (crying) My friend….he has committed suicide. He has left a note that he has no one to call his own. I am shocked he has chosen such a drastic step. I can’t believe. I was just busy…why? Why could he not see what I saw and tried?
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: It is the day of my marriage…I am dressing up….i am happy…my friend’s presence would have made it better…but sadly it was his call…I miss him but I am also looking forward to a new life with my would-be husband…
T: What do you see after the marriage?
C: We are very happy…me and my husband. Our small world is full of joy.
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: (smiling) I am ecstatic. I have a baby girl. She is the most beautiful thing I have seen. I am busy with my family. She is growing up and needs me. Catering to her is my full-time job. My husband is busy earning and I am busy rearing…very busy.
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: My daughter is now 16…she and my husband bond very well….eating, sharing jokes, solving problem…I am not needed. I exist on the periphery of their life…they are one.
T: How do you feel?
C: I feel left out, not belonging…as if they do not need me. I am there but …
T: Have you shared with your husband and daughter?
C: Yes, I confronted them but they simply refused?
T: So how do you spend time?
C: I have been feeling something…I did not see my friend…so I am not being seen. He felt cut off and I feel cut off. So, I am waiting for my life to while away. I cry and feel guilty. I should have been there for him. I am sad…very lonely.
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: I am older now…around 44…my daughter is married. I have shifted to a village. Mingle with kids. I sometimes meet my family. My husband and daughter…her husband. The distance has done me good. I have accepted my fate.
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: I am around 65…live in the village…I made peace with myself…I have thought a lot…I had refused to see what Kiran had tried to show. Tejas and Kiran…like friends and siblings were meant to be together…living close by….not turning ones back to each other. I did it and lived to see a time when I was cut off…
T: Why do you feel so?
C: Staying alone I have been thinking….have I always been happy? Did my unhappiness begin when my daughter and husband started bonding? No….there were signs…I ignored…I lived refusing to see the truth…I liked being wanted…I thought it was happiness…I pretended…probably, had begun to believe my pretend world…I had a dream. I have not shared with anyone. I saw something…
T: Would you like to share?
C: My daughter is my friend reborn…he loved me so much that he came to me. But he also took revenge by taking my husband and building a world with him as a daughter. I have observed my daughter…she has strange quirks at times which reminds me of him…but I have accepted it…
T: At the count of 3…2…1, allow yourself to go to the next significant moment of this life.
C: I am dying but there is acceptance…dying in old age…I have been waiting for death. I wasted
T: You may float above and see…
C: I am looking at my old frail body…more broken within…I have no pain…I am drifting
T: What do you see?
C: I am with a bright light in front of me…very soothing…I am liking here…so peaceful.
T: it is the divine light…you may seek blessings
C: I am seeking forgiveness…I know that I had him hurt so much…I have been insensitive and I have been selfish…I am begging for forgiveness from the divine light.
T: How are you feeling?
C: I am feeling good…better.
T: You may linger here a little more and indicate with your hand when you are ready…
C; (after a pause) the light guided me …it showed me that I should have listened to my friend and supported him when he needed me. I should listen to the caution of my dear ones. I should not fail to register the emotions of other human beings…Follow the truth…Do not fake happiness…
T: Great message…you may stay a bit longer and indicate with your hand, when you are ready.
C; I want to come out…
T: T: You may slowly come back to the garden…you may find a place to sit…Indicate with your hand…
As you are sitting in your garden of peace, you may reflect on the lives you saw and messages you received…
C: (talking very slowly after a long pause)I did not trust the voice of my dear ones…my wife cautioned me but I failed her.
Again, my friend and confidante warned me…told me it was a fleeting feeling and not true happiness…I refused to see the truth…I failed him and brought in a lifetime of unhappiness……now the message is clear…I will follow the truth…what I am …I am.
I will see the truth, pay attention to the cautionary words of my near ones and not fake happiness.
T: You may now allow yourself to release the sadness…the guilt and start afresh.
C: Yes…but I will follow the guidance of the light in times to come.
T: That is great. You may relax and when you are ready to move on, you may indicate with your hand…
C: Yes…I want to come out
T: I will count 1 to 10 and………….gradually emerges
| Event | |
|---|---|
| Subjective interpretation | Fear of failure |
| Conflict | Personal life with son is good, professionally she is doing well but haunted by a sense of impending failure. Hence, becomes undue strict at workplace, tough at home. She feels conflicted about it |
| Decision made to resolve the conflict | To pay attention to the cautionary words of near ones, to follow the truth and not to fake happiness. |
| Script | Dave Elman, Progressive Relaxation, Garden of Peace, Tunnel of Light, Affect Bridge |
| Pain assessment | |
| Before session | 8 |
| After session | 2 |
Integration:
The process began with the aim of looking at the root of the intense fear of failure experienced by the client, despite doing well in life.
In the first flash, she saw herself as a boy growing in a tribe, who’s taken care of by another man from the tribe, after the death of his father, the Chief of the tribe. He got married to a beautiful girl but from the very beginning, she had reservations about his friends. She kept warning him and he refused to pay heed to her words. And then the inevitable happened, he was poisoned by his friends. And this was the root…a fear of failing his wife gave rise to a sense of failure as a husband and father.
In the second flash, she saw herself as a girl who felt like a boy from a within. Her best friend was a boy who identified himself as a girl. They both realized that they were designed differently and that bonded them strongly. However, at one point, she felt marriage was good and enjoyed the attention of another person. Her friend warned her not to get carried off by the fleeting emotion but she did not pay heed to his words. And then she suffered for the rest of her life. That got ingrained as a fear of failing a friend…She turned out to be a failure as a friend.
In both cases not paying heed to the words of neat ones or dear ones, costed her greatly. The message was clear…she must trust the voice of caution of a dear or near one; she must see the truth, she must be happy as she is but not fake happiness. The guilt has been released, the lesson has been learnt…now it is time she must allow herself to start anew.
Suggestions:
- Meditate for sometime every day. It will keep you connected to the light.
- Maintain the healthy lifestyle.
Client Response:The client communicated that she had a suffocated feeling for a long time. Post the seesion she had not immediately felt much relief but later on she is feeling more free. She has expressed her heartfelt gratitude.