Guilt associated with Fear of Losing Loved Ones
Client Details:
Parvati, F, 55, 7/10, 2/5, K, Guilt, 9/10
Briefing:
The client is a distant relative as well as a neighbour for few years a decade ago. She is aware of the PLRT training and has been looking forward to having a session.
Background:
She lives with her family – her husband and son, daughter lives abroad. Son is not yet married and has been having issues settling down in one job. He has been a bright student in school but somehow never focused on the career. Got into bad company and into bad habits. Consumes alcohol, smokes, and gambles. She feels she has not been able to guide him or understand him when he was in his teenage years of why he was engaging in those activities. Instead of guiding him as a parent, she said she had argued and fought with him, threatened him and this created a lot of tension between them and even though she feels she should have approached him differently and she feels her reactive nature has made the situation worse. She holds herself responsible for his current situation of unsettled life. She also mentioned that she is guilty because she failed to guide him in proper path and as a mother was unable to understand his needs. She also fears that she might lose her loved ones for no reason because of her reactive behaviour and even if they get hurt while playing or even for minor injuries, she feels herself responsible and later guilty that she should have warned them earlier or protected them.
During the history taking she has mentioned that she had not been comfortable during her both pregnancies and that her stress might be the reason why she feels that fear of loosing them. And that she is the one responsible not to stress out as it might have affected her kids when they were in her womb; and this is the reason for their difficulties currently. She holds herself guilty for feeling stressed during the pregnancies and not eating well and taking care of herself and the unborn babies during gestation.
She has been practicing meditation for few years, also she feels, she is not gaining much from it, she continues to do it. She has mentioned that there are times when she feels she should just drop what ever she is doing at the moment and just sit and meditate. This is what keeps her going as she feels there is a guiding force that helps her to get through.
The method and other aspects were being discussed with her in elaborate.
Later, the sessions were conducted in two sets. Session 1 and Session 2 on consecutive days.
Below are the details regarding the sessions -
--------------------------- Session 1 -----------------------------
Progressive Relaxation and Dave Elman’s Induction followed by Visualization.
When guided to visualize the staircase, she mentioned, she couldn’t see the staircase but she saw Lord Shiva appearing there; mentioned that he is there to guide her standing there; when I tried guiding her moving on the staircase, she said she is moving but she is on the back of a large white snake and is helping her to move around. Yet, this feeling of being on the back of the snake is not fearsome. Mentioned that it has opened its hood and that’s it, she couldn’t feel the staircase anymore.
Client was guided to visualize the garden where she could see only flowers, but they aren’t colorful, there are leaves, stems and small plants. She could feel she was sitting under a tree, guided her to relax there watching the gentle stream flowing nearby.
Guided her that she will be able to meet a loved one there who might be able to help her to find answers and or provide guidance to her.
C: Flash of my grandfather but now it’s my father.
Guided her on breathing and to relax.
C: Why am I unable to do whatever I need to do, whether it’s something that I need to do about my son? He is just smiling, and not saying anything.
T: How do you feel when your father is smiling like that?
C: I am happy
T: Do you want to spend more time with him there? Would you like for him to give you answers? When you asked a question, he just responded by smiling? What do you feel the smile means?
C: ‘Anandam’ Just happiness, nothing else… It’s pure happiness.
T: Would you like to wait for him to respond to you?
C: No, He is just conveying that it is pure joy. “Anandame” That is the response he is giving. I do not need to ask anymore.
T: Tried taking her to a happy moment. Can you recall a happy moment from your childhood or anything that might have made you happy in the recent past?
C: Always happy, nothing specific.
T: Is there anything you can remember or recall?
C: No, nothing specific. I have always been happy, even though something happens. I know it is only temporary.
Brought her back – Emerging (Counting 1-10)
She is visibly happy and is all smiles that she has seen her father and the reconfirmation that she got from her father that everything is happiness, and she has always been happy. That could be the reason why she couldn’t place her thought on any happy moment as she felt that she has been a happy person all the time and that no matter what happens, it is only for that moment, but she has always been a lighthearted person.
--------------------------- Session 2 -----------------------------
Guided her on BRV and then Tunnel.
Induction
Visualization
Visualize tunnel of light and then to follow and reach the end of the tunnel. Guided her to reach the ancient temple.
T: Could you see the temple?
C: No, I can’t see the temple, it is just plain and vast like a sky. It’s all clouds but very plain.
T: Can you see yourself where you are?
C: I’m under the sky, cannot see the body, I am like the light which is the same as the one in the sky.
T: It is okay even if you cannot see the body, try to move forward in that clouds and see if you can reach a place where you can see the temple.
C: I can feel there is something that I feel like a temple but not the one we see outside. It is all clouds.
T: It is okay, let the clouds be there and move forward where you can see three doors. Tell me what do you see?
C: I see clouds as the door.
T: It is okay, so go towards the door which is made of clouds. When you open those doors, you will be able to find answers to your current issue. Try to go towards the door and enter. Allow yourself to experience anything that comes up.
C: All I can see and feel myself is light. I don’t feel my body as if I have it like now. It’s just the light and it is same as the one I see around myself…
T: That is okay, try to open the first door and see what is there.
C: It is all light the same as outside and everything inside is also the same. Same like me.
T: You can get the guidance there, provide
C: My mind (manasu) is thinking that ‘you do not have any issue’ This is what I have the answer from that light. It is only my manasu saying and believing that ‘you do not have any worry/pain’
T: Do you want to know more about anything here?
C: It is only the fear in the manasu but it is just clear, nothing else.
T: Would you like to know more here or go to the other doors to seek answers and find what you would like to?
C: No I do not need to know anything else.
T: Then go to the second door.
C: It is like half door and half wall.
T: How do you see yourself there?
C: I am the same light
T: Okay, shall we open the door and see what is inside.
C: I do not feel like opening the door. It seems I do not need to go inside. I do not feel I need to know anything.
T: It is okay, As you are standing at the door, do you feel your body? Can you feel your legs or any body parts.
C: No, I still do not feel the body, it is just light.
T: Okay, would you like to open the door and see what’s inside now?
C: No, I want to move on.
T: Okay, would you like to check the third door?
C: Let me see
T: Can you see the doors?
C: Yes
T: Can you describe it for me?
C: They are like old doors; they are like the ones with carvings on them. Cannot get the color.
T: Would you like to go inside and see what you might find?
C: I do not feel like going inside. I am content with the answers I got in the first one.
T: Okay, what else do you feel here.
C: I am in the garden again.
T: okay, can you feel your body here? What do you see around?
C: I still cannot feel my body.
T: Do you feel anything?
C: I feel the ground as if it’s under the feet but I cannot see my feet. I see my father here again.
T: Okay, would you like to ask him or talk to him about anything?
C: He is smiling. It is okay. It is all okay. He is saying this. It is all happiness.
T: Try and see if you can guidance from him about your current fear of losing people?
C: I can see myself but I am not like me now. I am like someone else.
T: Okay, that’s fine. Can you look at yourself and tell me how do you look like?
C: I am young.
T: How old are you?
C: May be 8 or 9 years.
T: Okay, look at your feet. Are you wearing any sandals or something?
C: No, I cannot see the body, but I feel I am a kid, but not me when I was a kid. I look different.
T: It’s okay, see what else is around.
C: it is just the same garden, but I look different, even though it is me.
T: That is okay. See around and tell me who else is there with you.
C: My father is still there.
T: Okay, would you like to go and ask him something.
C: Yes, he is smiling. But he is different now. He is not how he looked when he is my father in this life.
T: That is okay. You can still talk to him.
C: I am asking him… Why do I fear losing my dear ones?
T: What is he telling you?
C: nothing is permanent is what he says all the time.
T: Okay, see what he is trying to tell you?
C: Everything is in your mind. Nothing is being lost.
T: Just try to feel what he is trying to tell you. It doesn’t have to be necessarily in the way we talk here in this present world.
C: …… (inaudible)
T: Do you still see yourself there?
C: No, he is gone. But I see temple, with the garlands around the doors. It is like as if everything happens when the time is right for the things to happen.
T: That’s fine. Would you like to explore more about it?
C: I think I got my answers.
T: Would you like to come back? Are you still there?
She was happy that she has seen her father and one past life connection with him although it was not very clear. And that he was the same loving and happy person who assured her that her worries are all in her mind and that everything is okay. She still needs to address the guilt she has towards her son’s current issues which will be in the next session.
C: I see my brother-in-law; I don’t see any stairs. I don’t see him now. I see Lord Shiva, now I see different gods. I don’t see anything else now.
T: That is okay, go to the time when you can find answers to your present time guilt that you have towards your son’s current condition.
C: I do not see anything around me. I cannot feel myself. I don’t know where I am.
Guided on BRV
T: It is okay, let me know when you feel something.
C: I cannot move anywhere. I am heavy.
Client is breathing heavily. Labored breathing.
T: It is okay, you are completely safe. You can experience it, or you can always float above to see what’s happening.
C: I cannot move. I am too heavy. I am lying down, I think. I think I have my stomach full.
T: Okay, that is alright. Do you see how you are looking?
C: No, I think I am lying down. And I am pregnant.
Client touching her stomach, one hand just under the diaphragm on the abdomen and the left hand under the belly as if she is cupping something.
Abreactions - Labored breathing. Sadness in the face. Lips quivering.
Coached on breathing and relaxed her.
T: Tell me what you feel.
C: I am holding my baby inside me. Did you feel pain for what I have done?
T: Can you tell me what you have done that might have caused pain to the baby?
C: I took abortion pills that were meant for my sister -in-law. Took them in a fit of anger that she asked me to bring them for her and I bought them for her even though they are too expensive and it was very difficult for me to put the money together to buy them. She refused to take them and I was so annoyed with her that in that anger I did not even think of my baby and took the pills. Now I fear the consequences. What might happen to my baby? What have I done? Oh no, I should have thought before doing such a stupid thing. What am I going to do now? What will happen to my baby?
Coached on breathing and relaxed her as she was feeling so tensed at this point.
T: Can you tell me when did this happen? How old are you?
C: I am old enough to understand what is right and what is wrong. I shouldn’t have done that.
T: That is okay, you were annoyed and not able to realize at that time. Can we see what happened to the baby?
C: The baby is safe. I delivered the baby full term. Nothing happened to him. But I was so scared all this while and felt so bad for hurting him by taking those pills. I am his mother. I should be protecting him, understand the consequences and I should be the one taking care of him. Instead, I have put him in danger.
T: You were young and were unable to make right choices at that time. That is okay. How do you feel that this has affected your son’s current situation?
C: I feel myself responsible. I think even though he is born fine physically, that might be the reason why he was so aggressive, consuming alcohol, his habits, his attitude, everything is affected because of the tension I had put myself through and him when he is in my womb. That medicine and my stress and the tension has caused him to take irrational decisions growing up and now as well.
T: I understand we cannot undo what has happened. But let’s see if you can talk to your son when he is still in the womb and he responds. What would you like to tell him?
C: I am sorry, I have put you through this. I should have thought before doing such a thing.
Are you okay?
T: See if the baby responds to you.
The client is moving the palms over the stomach as if trying to feel the baby.
C: He is reaching out to me. He reached out his left hand and I can feel his palm touching mine. He is saying … not exactly talking… but somehow, he is saying… “It is okay… I am fine. Nothing happened to me. Just take care of me okay”.
T: That is good. He is assuring you he is fine. What else would you like to tell him or ask him?
C: What can I do now to help you?
T: Is he responding?
C: I cannot feel his left palm against mine anymore.
T: That’s okay. See if he can respond to your question.
Client has moved her palms to the right side of her abdomen now.
C: He has moved to the right side. Now I can feel his head under my one palm and his foot with the other. He is saying – “ You always understood me. I just need you to understand and support me now when I need you the most. Trust me and help me get through.”
T: That is nice. What do you think about that. Is there anything else he is saying.
C: He is in pain. He needs me. He is saying… you are the only one I have… Please be with me to help me get through this.
T: That is okay. What would you like to tell him?
Client is crying at this point. Coached her on breathing and relaxed her.
C: Please forgive me for the pain I might have caused you. I will be there for you whenever you need me.
T: Is he saying anything in response to that?
C: He is smiling. I can feel he is smiling. I do not feel the baby anymore. I am not pregnant anymore.
I think he is not there. I am grateful I got a chance to speak to him when I have caused him the pain.
T: I see you are content that you could resolve this. How do you feel about your current guilt now?
C: All these years, I felt guilty that I have caused pain to him by taking those pills without thinking about the consequences. They did not harm him though. But I think he wanted me to understand how I need to take care of him and support him.
T: That’s right. What else would you like to explore?
C: I am happy. I am relieved. I think I am good to come back. Take me back.
T: Okay. That’s completely fine. Let me guide you back.
Emerging done (Counting 1-10)
Brought the client back.
Integration & Closure:
Pain level has reduced to 4; and the client mentioned that she is feeling much lighter now as if a huge rock has been lifted off her chest.
She could integrate the experience of one past lifetime and one past event from the current life.
From Past Lifetime:
Assurance from her father who is also the father to her in the past life, that all that she feels about the fear of losing loved ones is only in her mind and there is nothing to worry. It is only happiness that is within her and everywhere. The way she could see herself as light which is the same as the light outside gave her an insight that she is always happy and can be happy and no reason to fear about any loss.
From past event in the current life during her pregnancy –
Her guilt of harming her unborn baby got resolved when she could hear it from the unborn baby that he is well and unharmed and just needs her understanding and support to resolve his current issues.
Report & Recommendations:
Couldn’t email the report as she doesn’t have an email ID and is not digitally literate. Session was conducted in vernacular, in her mother tongue. So the questionnaire items have been explained to her in the same language and the responses were marked by the therapist.
She has been practicing meditation for the past 6/7 years. Recommended that she continues with the practice and integrate the changes that come out of the practice into her daily life.
Recommended breathing exercises to be an integral part of her daily routine and during situations where there are disagreements with her son, to help her calm down and respond instead of reacting.
Follow up after 1 week:
Client has reported that she is more relaxed now and the pain level has actually come down to 2 or even less. She is not feeling the fear of losing the loved ones any more and that her relationship with her son is improving which she could notice in the way she is talking to him. She finds herself more confident that she could help him with his current issues and is able to understand his point of view.
All the best to you.