Healing is non linear...🤔

[kobrakulsh (Supritee Kulshreshtha)]

.Healing is not aesthetic…

some questions I’m sitting with for long as a therapist

Feelings are called feelings for a reason. They are meant to be felt… not constantly analysed, labelled, or fixed.

This is my take till date not as someone who has figured it all out, but as a therapist who is still learning… and many times sitting in silence…

Over the years, one truth has humbled me deeply –

The most painful part of healing is that
sometimes I have to watch people I love fall… without being able to save them.

यह ego को तोड़ देता है और तब समझ आता है कि मेरे पास हर जवाब नहीं है… और शायद मुझे कभी सारे जवाब मिलेंगे भी नही…

So instead of answers, I have questions.

Real ones.
Uncomfortable ones.

not to debate, but to hear lived truths and not textbook wisdom.

So, the first question is

Self-Love vs Self-Absorption

where is the line?

We talk a lot about self-love. But at what point does it quietly turn into self-absorption?

Self-love और self-absorption में असली फर्क क्या है?

कब मैं खुद को चुन रही हूँ और

कब मैं सिर्फ खुद में ही उलझ गई हूँ ?

Has anyone seen this shift in themself or clients

[sarandha (Dr D L Sarandha)]

[quote=“Supritee Kulshreshtha, post:1, topic:4877, username:kobrakulsh”]
Self-Love vs Self-Absorption

where is the line?

We talk a lot about self-love. But at what point does it quietly turn into self-absorption?

@kobrakulsh very thoughtful question that surely needs to be explored through self awareness.
Appropriately timed,when social media is blaring with “self love” or more specifically “Self love for women above 40/45”.
Looking forward to interesting discussion on this topic with consideration to new and varied perspectives.
Thank you Supreetee for this post.

[hc2101 (Harmeet Kaur)]

@kobrakulsh pretty interesting!

I feel self-love is taking care of yourself the way you take care of everyone around you as ‘YOU’ matter too and without self-love there’s no inner growth.

Self-absorption on the other hand is all about you, rest everything blurs in the background and you feel like the sun in the orbit and every thing must circle around you.

Self love expands you and self absorption shrinks you. Line is crossed when taking take care of yourself starts leaving no room for others.

[bhoomikacakravarthi (Bhoomika)]

As a millennial consciously reflecting on this, my understanding of self-love is learning not to operate from lack—not giving, doing, or enduring life while constantly placing ourselves last.

For many of us, the real work of self-love has been learning to put ourselves first:
being kind, giving and graceful toward ourselves, setting firm boundaries even when it goes against the grain,
expressing and voicing our truth without guilt, and saying no when we feel pressured to say yes.

Doing all of this while staying grounded, holding our position, and still being capable of empathy—that is self-love.

It turns into self-absorption when empathy drops out of the equation.
When the focus on self comes from fear, insecurity, or unresolved abandonment—and care for others is replaced by emotional withdrawal or indifference.

Self-love expands our capacity to relate.
Self-absorption contracts it.

[Siddhi (Siddhi Dodhiawala)]

@kobrakulsh

Over the years, one truth has humbled me deeply –

The most painful part of healing is that
sometimes I have to watch people I love fall… without being able to save them.

यह ego को तोड़ देता है और तब समझ आता है कि मेरे पास हर जवाब नहीं है… और शायद मुझे कभी सारे जवाब मिलेंगे भी नही…

Very aptly put into words.

[kobrakulsh (Supritee Kulshreshtha)]

ou’re right @Siddhi… realizing that we may never have all the answers isn’t a failure, it’s a kind of surrender. One that teaches us to trust the process, the person and life itself a little more.

Grateful that these words resonated with you

[kobrakulsh (Supritee Kulshreshtha)]

@Bhoomika, I really appreciate how you’ve brought in the generational lens here because for many millennials, self-love hasn’t been indulgence at all, it’s been unlearning self-erasure.

What you say about not operating from lack really resonates. So often, what looks like “putting oneself first” is actually a long-overdue correction after years of emotional over-giving, endurance, and silent self-abandonment.

The distinction you speak of… self-love with empathy stays relational and self-focus without empathy starts contracting.

Also the way you mention the emotional roots as fear, insecurity nd unresolved abandonment.

This clarifies that self-absorption is not a moral failure, it’s often a wounded state that still needs awareness and healing.

Thank you for adding this depth and clarity to the conversation. This is exactly the kind of reflection that helps all of us check where we’re coming from,

not just

what we’re doing

[kobrakulsh (Supritee Kulshreshtha)]

@Harmeet, loved how simply and clearly you’ve put this…

" self-love expands you, self-absorption shrinks you."

It’s true that self-love has a relational quality and when it’s genuine, it actually makes us more present, more patient, more available.

What I also find interesting in clinical work is that self-absorption often isn’t arrogance at all… it’s unresolved deprivation finally getting a voice, but if it stays there too long, it stops being healing and starts becoming isolating, just like you said.

[kobrakulsh (Supritee Kulshreshtha)]

:Thank you @dr. Sarandha for replying…

I agree, timing matters… and right now “self-love” is being spoken about very loudly, especially for women 40+ , often as a reaction to years of self-erasure.

What I’m genuinely curious about (and slightly concerned about too) is exactly this grey zone, when self-love is still healing… and when it quietly slips into self-absorption without us noticing.

Self-awareness, like you said, is probably the only compass here. Without it, even healing language can become another defence.

Really looking forward to hearing new, uncomfortable, and varied perspectives …especially lived ones, not just idealistic definitions.

Thank you for engaging so thoughtfully

[bhoomikacakravarthi (Bhoomika)]

@kobrakulsh

Thank you for adding this depth and clarity to the conversation. This is exactly the kind of reflection that helps all of us check where we’re coming from,

I’m glad it resonated
Thank you for starting such q beautiful discussion. Do keep it coming so we can share and learn from each other’s knowledge and experiences

[bhoomikacakravarthi (Bhoomika)]

@kobrakulsh

self-absorption is not a moral failure, it’s often a wounded state that still needs awareness and healing.

Absolutely, my learning has been that anything in its extreme comes from a place of wound, even if it’s an extreme need for honesty!!

[bhoomikacakravarthi (Bhoomika)]

[quote=“Supritee Kulshreshtha, post:7, topic:4877, username:kobrakulsh”]
self-love hasn’t been

@kobrakulsh

for many millennials, self-love hasn’t been indulgence at all, it’s been unlearning self-erasure.

Absolutely

[san.kumars (Santhosh Kumar)]

All @bhoomikacakravarthi ji, @hc2101 ji, @kobrakulsh ji, @sarandha ji, @Siddhi ji, have spoken righteously.

However, have we often thought about it, who is being loved and absorbed? Is it the human form we have taken or the Sum total of all the I’s (mind)?

Everyday we are going through self absorption & self awareness ,it’s for all animate and inanimate forms. It’s driven by consciousness alone.
It’s not that only for wounded souls gets self absorption.
Every night, when we sleep we are having self awareness which we don’t realise when we are fully awake. When we are under PLRT session and its experiences also, we are under self awareness and love.

Self-focus + Self-awareness → Mindful attention to oneself.
+:face_with_monocle:

Self-focus + Self-absorption → Ego-centered thinking.
+:head_shaking_horizontally:+:thinking:

Self-awareness + Self-love → Healthy self-acceptance.
+:head_shaking_vertically:+:innocent:

Self-love + Self-focus → Personal growth and self-care.
+:face_holding_back_tears:+:face_with_monocle:

Center (all four overlap) → The balance point where attention to self is guided by awareness and compassion, without ego excess.

In Vedic Philosophical perspective

Atman (Self-Awareness)
The pure witnessing consciousness
Beyond thoughts, body, and ego
The true Self (Sakshi).

Ahamkara (Self-Absorption)
The ego-identity: “I am the doer”
Identification with body, mind, and roles
Source of attachment and suffering.

Bhakti / Prema (Self-Love)
Devotional love toward the divine Self
Compassion and surrender
Seeing the same Self in all beings.

Tapas / Sadhana (Self-Focus)
Disciplined spiritual practice
Meditation, inquiry, and austerity
Directed effort toward realization.

Center: Brahman / Atma-Sakshatkara
Realization that Atman = Brahman
Direct experience of the absolute
Beyond ego, practice, or identity
State of non-duality (Advaita).