Continuation of “I Belong To the Buddha Part 1”
Just completed 3 sessions with Suma [name changed] who was suffering from MDD. The verbatim is 18 pages long. So I am posting the summary.
Background - S, a 32 year old single female is a microbiologist and data scientist at the local Medical centre was referred to me in October 2109. She’s 1 of 4 siblings
Presenting complaints
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Maladaptive daydreaming – since the age of 3 or 3.5, S used to day dream a lot. She was left alone by her parents quite a lot. From that age itself, she’s been feeling sad for no reason at all and felt abandoned by her parents. Her day dreams are maladaptive because, she is talking out loud to the characters in her daydream. When she was around 6, she realised people were giving her weird looks and controlled her talking loudly or laughing with the characters when in public. But in private she just let go. Most of the time, she is not even aware that she is doing it until someone gives her a weird look. Looking into the mirror, being alone or travelling triggered her day dreams.
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Fear of being abandoned – her mother and father are basically incompatible and in most of their frequent quarrels, her mother threatens suicide in order to get her own way. Her boyfriend of 11 years and she decided to separate because his mother threated suicide. Her younger sister attempted suicide when her marriage failed and but for S, she would now be dead.
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Financial insecurity – while S always had a comfortable life, since the time she was a child, she’s always had this fear that suddenly they might become poor. Her current situation is such that her father expects her to shoulder the financial responsibility of her entire family.
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Negative thought patterns – a classic case of self-fulfilling prophecy
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Asthma – since the age of 3 or3.5 – eating onions triggers the asthma
Treatment taken so far:
- Meditation has helped reduce the intensity of all of her presenting issues. S says that because of meditation, her stress levels have reduced and hence the reduction in the intensity of her symptoms.
- CBT:
- Also explained to her that it was not an event that causes pain, but the meaning we attach to the event – she understood this at an intellectual level. But putting it into practice was a struggle.
- Explained the difference between reacting and responding and introduced her to the concept of the 4 stages of change so she would not be too hard on herself.
- I suggested she maintain a thought diary to document her moods and the daydreams. The idea was to discover patterns and the trigger. This helped her become more aware and consciously refrain from indulging in the daydreaming. But she sometimes indulged anyway to escape her negative thoughts and problems.
PLR Session1: 08/02/2020 Duration: 6 hours
History taking, Pretalk, contract and regression
Pain level at the start of the session = 9/10
Theme: Fear of being ditched
Induction used: Progressive Relaxation
Age Regression: S refused to go there saying that she’s flooded with unpleasant memories.
Safe Place: Her safe place was a beautiful garden with a Buddha statue in it. She felt profound love and healing here and also a deep sense of belong to the Buddha. As the session progressed, she found she felt very safe and comfortable here.
The Content: From this safe place she started reviewed her current life from a 360 deg perspective.
Gist:
She saw how her behaviour would appear from the other person’s perspective. She saw that in relationships she tends to attach like a “magnet” and how that could make the other person uncomfortable.
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She also realized that she was expecting too much from other people. This tendency was hurting both parties. That her tendency to overthink everything was actually complicating rather than solving issues.
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She discovered that she was stubborn.
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She came to the conclusion that all the things she thought as bad situations were actually opportunities for her to grow as a person
Emergence: emerged her from trance suggesting that she could always go back to the safe garden with the Buddha and relive the healing and the feeling of love and safe comfort she felt there.
Post session Reflection: S found her intense feeling for the Buddha shocking and wanted to explore her connection with Buddha.
- Felt a wonderful sense of peace and serenity in the garden with the Buddha. I had no expectations… not even for spiritual progress. Just felt profound love, healing and neutral happiness (neither positive or negative)
- I am vengeful and I thought it was right. Now, I see the pointlessness of revenge.
- Felt the session was going too fast. I wanted to be in the serene environment with the Buddha a bit more. (what she thought was 30 minutes was actually 2 hrs)
- None of the presenting complaints were addressed. But S felt she gained some perspective and that she has wasted almost 30 years of her life in pointless pursuits. Now, most of her confusion about life was gone. So many things were clearer.
PLR Session 2: 09/02/2020 Duration: 4 hrs 15 min
Theme: Negative thought Patterns
Induction used: Dave Elman
Past Life Regression: From the safe garden, I suggested that she allow herself to go to the source of her negative thought patterns. She initially found it difficult saying things like ‘dangerous’. Suggested she allow her Buddha to guide her.
Experience 1:She went into age regression
Gist: She was an average student. At age 15, because of her love for her tutor, she worked super hard both at her studies and at the tuition teacher’s house. She became a topper. She feels that the tutor used black magic to keep S with her. The tutor was so rude and negative that no person in their right mind would become so attached to her to the point of worshipping her the way S was. This appears to be where her trust issues stem from.
Resolution: “Ok, now you are back in the garden with your Buddha… Allow the healing energy from your Buddha remove all the negativities that have come into you through this lady…Let it all go… It has served it’s purpose… Let go… all the negativities are not your emotions… they come from someone else and they don’t need it either…Choose a colour for all these negative thought patterns… make a beautiful globe of glowing light in that colour… seal all the negativity into that globe and release it… and as you release it, watch it transform into a beautiful globe of love and drift away… spreading love… and healing…”
Experience 2: To explore her past life connection with the tutor
S:“The lady has some power. She is not allowing me to see.”
M: Take the help of your Buddha… allow him to guide you… he will help you see what you need to know so you can heal… There’s nothing more powerful than the source… allow the Buddha to guide you…
Gist: S and the tutor were guru and disciple. S was a male named Dayanand living in an ashram. The tutor, Sumathi in that lifetime was a female cohabitating the ashram. She was almost 30 years younger and fell in love with Dayanand. So did a lot of other females. Dayanand was focussed on his spiritual pursuits and paid the females no heed. This infuriated them, especially Sumathi and they cursed him for not understanding their feelings. He was a good person and died at the age of 66. His constant fight to put off Sumathi’s amorous advances too a toll on him and towards the end he felt a lot of guilt that he had hurt his disciple and died feeling guilty and sad. [the source of sadness in her current life and the source of her attachment with the tutor despite her negative attitude?]
Experience 3: Another shared lifetime with the tutor
Gist: This time, S and the tutor shared a mother daughter relationship. S was Elizabeth a widowed mother who loved her pampered, selfish daughter Mary (the tutor) to the exclusion of everything else. Mary let Elizabeth die in an old age home, lonely, abandoned and sad (the same kind of sadness I used to feel as a 3 year of child)
Sources Discovered – fear of being ditched, sadness and trust issues – also pattern of loving too much (attaching like a magnet)
Experience 4: Her life as Mohan
Gist: S is Mohan a rich orphan living with his uncle and aunt who try to poison him. He survives, but loses his trust in people. Was married to Sita, a very noble lady. But Mohan was always mean to suspecting her of infidelity and torturing her. They were childless and her blamed her. He thought he needed the love of his child. Did not appreciate how much she loved him in spite of his meanness. In the end she left him. She died a few days after she left him. S, recognised Sita as her current life ex-boyfriend she was in a relationship with for 11 years. In the end, Mohan died - mentally ill, psychotic, lonely and sad, clock watching and repenting his attitude towards his wife with only the servants to look after him. To them, it was just a duty. They did not care one way or the other. He died at the start of the 19th century.
Reflection or life review? “In many births, I spent my life lonely because of my attitude and everything… I could feel that pain of loneliness… Therefore, I have developed this daydreaming habit to escape the torment of loneliness…) [Was the day dreaming habit a carry over from her lifetime as Mohan?] S has been feeling lonely and sad since she was 3 years old.
Sources discovered: sadness, maladaptive daydreaming, fear of being ditched
Experience 5: Lifetime immediately after Mohan’s
Gist: A very short lifetime. Born as a rich male who committed suicide at 19. He was an overthinker [another pattern that appears to follow S through several lifetimes]. A complex life. He and his father were equally responsible for a bad financial investment. They were misguided by some people. They lost everything. Did not even have money to buy food. Father expected S to regain everything [another pattern - expectations from father]. The boy felt he was not wise enough and quit. His soul intensely regretted the decision as soon as the deed was done.
Sources Discovered: financial insecurity and her extreme reaction of suicide
Reflection:” If I was alive, I could do something. Now… Now everything changed. Everything is really in my control…” [life review?]
Impact on S’s current life (said while under hypnosis): “Now I am able to understand where I am wrong and how I can correct… The rest time will reveal and Buddha will help me… Trying to know everything now itself, is unnatural way… Time will reveal everything… But I must stop taking revenge… No matter what happens, I must take it as good only…”
PLR Session 3:10/02/2020 Duration: 3 hours
Theme: Source of Asthma
Induction used:Dave Elman
Past Life Regression: From the safe garden, I suggested that she allow herself to go to the source of her asthma.
Gist: S went into the same life time as Mohan. This time Mohan was little guy of 3 or 3.6 years [all the symptoms in this lifetime appear to be age triggered]. It was Diwali day and he was playing in the yard. Suddenly he saw a huge crowd gather. His mother’s clothes had caught fire. Mohan went into shock. He was scared and hid himself in a corner.
The relevance of this memory to asthma in S’s current life?
“The little boy is under stress and has trouble breathing…” The feeling of struggling for breath is the same when S has her asthma attacks in her current life
His mother could not be saved and his grief-stricken father died some 9 or 10 months later. The servants are helping him cope. But there is no love only duty.
Just to check for consistency I asked S to go to the time when Mohan was 10 years old and then asked her to about the people she’s living with. She said, “the servants, uncle, aunty, and their kids” she went on to talk about Mohan’s sad and lonely death surrounded on by the servants.
Emergence: Emerged her suggesting, she store the love and healing she find with the Buddha in her heart go back to the feeling of peace it gives her whenever she feels sad or lonely
Final Integration:
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At age of 3 or 3 and half, I saw a person burnt himself and he could not bear the pain and screamed. His screaming haunted me and I started imaging to see that person as a ghost through my home window. From that point, I developed intense fear and sat in corner and kept thinking all sadness and sweating. (Now I see that the feeling was the same as when Mohan’s mother was dying). I used to use that corner as toilet as well. Because I could not get out of that fear. Gradually I forgot that incident but this daydreaming was becoming my habit to escape from reality and live in imaginary life. I remembered this incident only today after more than 20 years.
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But I have not had a fear of fire and I could save a girl from fire accident in lab and without a single thought I went closer to her and extinguished fire from her body by my hands. Immediately, she was taken to hospital and treated. [From the way S described the accident, she acted quickly with no thought of danger the danger to herself. She simply went and hugged the lady who’s pants had caught fire and extinguished it while the others were standing around immobilised by shock]
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After these sessions, I am finally able to understand the 7th Maxim in Shah Marg Philosophy – “If you are feeling wronged by anyone, do not wish for revenge. Instead, think this comes from God and be grateful.” Previously, I simply could not accept it. Now I am able to understand and accept completely. Even 10 days ago I was thinking revengeful thoughts about a colleague. Now I can see the pointlessness of such attitude. And how if I continue with such an attitude, I’ll be going round and round in a vicious cycle.
Observation: Noticed that Mohan’s mom died when he was 3 or 3 1/2 years old and most of S’s presenting complaints in this lifetime also started at that age
Post Sessions Pain Level = 2/10
