Hello Everyone!
I wanted to share a personal experience and I felt this is the non-judgmental space I have been a part of till today. So, I am sharing it here. Probably removing the curtains I have kept myself behind or tend to keep certain times.
Past 2-3 years, mostly after COVID, a lot of things changed, and not only for me but Globally. I believe one of the purpose of the pandemic was to wake
all of us up from a deep sleep.
A lot of my suppressed issues started to come on to the surface. And, it was becoming very difficult for me to handle stuff, understand myself and what was I feeling, thinking or doing.
But thanks to the internet and gradual awareness towards mental health, I started doing meditations, reading personal development books, listening to people on Youtube talking about these concerns.
(All these things were triggered back in 2018 also, but that time I only paid little attention, that was the first time I came to know about PLRT, that we have a past life connection with people who we meet , I was so intrigued, but this didn’t last as I had to make a choice in terms of academics and I went on to doing MBA, and while I was studying COVID came and everything was on surface with more power this time that I couldn’t ignore it anymore.)
So, this is how my healing journey started and it’s still continuing. In the process I learnt PLRT, got into Life Coaching, NLP, started to delve deeper into spirituality. Because one thing that I understood was that if I don’t take action now, if I ignore and suppress it, it will come back with a greater force. Another realization hit me, when I came to know about the “Panchkoshas”, I got to understand that if I don’t resolve the issues now, I might take to my next life and I said to myself, I don’t want to go through all this all over again, let’s go through it now and get over it. (While I am writing I am laughing but that time when I understood this I was shocked )
So, I decided to stay on this journey, sometimes it was very painful but somehow I got the strength to be in it. Sometimes, when I would go through those pain body moments I would feel like giving up and taking some medicine to calm it down, then from somewhere some inspiration would come and I would keep going. Sometimes I couldn’t handle as well and gave up. (I read “The Power of Now by Echkart Tolle” and did those practices mentioned in the book)
And, I think that’s a part of the process, that you give up and you rise up again. And, I feel very grateful and happy to share that I have come a long way and grown a lot.
My biggest lesson till now which I am still learning has been moving on in life and making peace with the past. So, the long context I gave you was actually to share this part .
Recently I was having trouble accepting the fact that the people I love can be happy without me, and it’s okay! I actually saw a picture of one of my friends with some other people and I felt sad, I felt ignored. I asked this question to myself then, what’s the problem? I am also happy where I am, the other person also deserves the same. Then, what is it that’s bothering me?
And after a few rounds of playing this question game, I realized that it triggered within me the feeling that I don’t matter. In a more common language we can say fear of missing out.
Somewhere within me I was denying the fact that no matter how much you matter in someone’s life or somebody matters in your life, it moves on! Life is always moving on! And I also realized that the reason not able to move on could be because we narrow down our options to be happy.
The happiness can come from anywhere or anything if you allow it to come. Someone being happy without your physical presence doesn’t mean you don’t matter, it might also mean that they are also figuring out their life and their sources of happiness. And, there can be things or people other than you who make them feel good. And it’s okay! You can’t always be everywhere all the time.
“If only that happens, I will be happy.” It’s such a dangerous belief.
And, while realizing this, I wrote the following poem, it might not seem to be very rhythmic, but if you try to find the rhythm, you will find it!
ज़िन्दगी तो थमेगी नहीं
Zindagi to thamegi nahi
भले ही कल तू रहेगी नहीं
Bhale hi kal tu rahegi nahi
हाँ, दुःख तो हो रहा होगा ये सोच कर
Haan, dukh to ho rha hoga ye sochkar
कि तेरे बाद शायद, तेरी कोई हस्ती नहीं
Ki tere baad shayad, teri koi hasti nahi
यही हुआ है बरसों से,
Yahi hua hai barson se,
यही तो आगे भी होगा
Yahi to aage bhi hoga!
तू माने या न माने,
Tu maane ya na maane,
प्रकृति के आगे किसी की चलती नहीं।
Prakriti ke aage kisi ki chalti nahi.
सब चल पड़ेंगे अपनी-अपनी राह पर
Sab chal padenge, apni apni raahpar
ये छोटी सी बात क्या तू अब तक समझी नहीं?
Ye chhoti si baat kya tu ab bhi samjhi nahi?
जो समझी नहीं तो एक बार और सुन
Jo smjhi nahi to ek baar aur sun
ज़िन्दगी थमेगी नहीं
Zindagi thamegi nahi,
भले ही कल तू रहेगी नहीं!
Bhale hi kal tu rahegi nahi!
तू छोड़ अब इस जंग को
Tu chhor ab is jung ko
क्यों खुद से और प्रकृति से
Kyu khud se aur prakriti se
तू लड़ती रहती है?
Tu ladti rehti hai
एक बार मान ले इस बात को कि,
Ek baar, maan le is baat ko ki
ज़िन्दगी थमेगी नहीं
Zindagi thamegi nahi
भले ही कल तू रहेगी नहीं
Bhale hi kal tu rahegi nahi
ये मतलब इसका बिलकुल नहीं कि
Ye matlab iska bilkul nahi ki
तेरी कोई ज़ात ही नहीं
Teri koi hi zaat nahi,
ये बस एक सादा सा फ़लसफ़ा है
Ye bas ek saada se falsafa hai
खुशियाँ किसी के होने न होने की
Khushiyaan kisi ke hone na hone ki
पाबंद नहीं, वो तो आज़ाद सी चिड़िया है
Paband nahi, vo to aazad si chiriya hai
जब जिस दाल पे चाहे बैठ जाए!
Jab jis daal pe chahe baith jaaye!
Thank you! Hope you found it a good investment of your time!