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Navigating rough seas to find the treasures in Leadership : fighting the burden of loneliness
Client: Rasa, Age 47
Focus Score: 8/10 ( was easy to go into trans)
VAK: 3, 8, 4 (High kinesthetic) other areas are good too.
Pain level before- 8, after- 2
Theme- Leadership brings burden, loneliness, self doubt and guilt
Completed stages 1-8 with confidentiality and consent, looking at myths of hypnosis etc,logical mind needed to relax so watched video of cognitive relaxation.
History (2 sessions, 1.5 hours each):
Rasaās early life was marked by a delayed birth and an anxious mother. She perceived her arrival as unhurried, which later manifested as a significant theme in her life. Growing up, her parents were preoccupied with financial struggles and frequent arguments, leading Rasa to feel neglected and isolated. This sense of isolation and the need to hide her true self became a recurring theme in her life.
In college, Rasa enjoyed a social life filled with parties and friends. At 24, she met her husband, whom she considered a destiny decision, believing that marriage was primarily about having children. She struggled with her in-lawsā politics, feeling manipulated and unprepared to handle conflicts, particularly with her sister-in-law. This situation led to issues in her marriage, exacerbated by her low self-confidence resulting in self- doubt.
Currently, Rasa is married, mother of 2 children one boy (in college) and one girl (at home), dealing with difficulties in managing her work and familial responsibilities. She is a counsellor. She feels accused whether she takes charge at work or in her home life, leading to guilt, frustration, and a tendency to downplay her achievements. She avoids conflicts and suppresses her truth, leading her to question why she isnāt showing her full potential.
Theme Selection: Guilt, helplessness, and burden as they relate to leadership, control , decision making and taking charge.
Session 1 ( 3hours)- 28/08
Pain Level: 8
Check list-we discussed IMR, washroom, room temp, blanket, water, tissues, able to stop, cry, take a break, float up if uncomfortable, sing, laugh dance etc.
Induction Techniques: Body scan, cognitive relaxation, Dave Elman technique, progressive relaxation, ball of light, garden, bridge into a happy memory. Not much IMR was needed as the client stayed awake throughout.
Therapist (T): Where are you and how old are you?
Client (C): Iām 5 months old. I see myself in my motherās lap. Sheās happy holding me but really sad inside.
T: What are you and she wearing?
C: Mom is wearing a brown sari with flowers. Iām wearing a pink frock.
T: What else do you see and feel?
C: I canāt feel her. Sheās too lost. Iām smiling and playing and Iām lost too. I tried to get her attention but she does not respond. Later sheās trying to call me and I go to her.
T: Going into the tunnel with a ball of light, 5 to 1 Going into her womb, countdown 5 to 1
C: Iām scared inside. Thereās noise outside.
T: What make you scared? You can always float up if uncomfortable.
C: Parents are fighting and thereās angry sounds. (Client looks uncomfortable)
T: Sounds like itās a reminder of other painful memories from childhood. Are you okay to stay or prefer to leave?
C: Yes, I prefer to leave now. Its not comfortable.
T: We go into the garden. Here, I invite you to look for a guide or master.
C: I can see my Nanu sitting next to me. (Nanu is the maternal grandfather- GF)
GF : You are loved.
Where do I belong?
GF- to the divine.
C: But Iām here
GF: You have some purpose to fulfillā¦ Work with men, help them feel safe, especially they need to experience safety and love.
T: Who do you think this is about?
C: My husband more and my son less. Suddenly, I see Krishna. He says, āDonāt stress. We are together in this fight.ā
T: A fight? Is this a fight?
C: Krishna is with a flute and a warrior with his chakra. Iāve never seen both together, which means love and war can happen together.
T: Big box and small box on a cliffā¦closure
C: In the big box, I put helplessness, sadness, loneliness. In the small box, I put fear, fights, noise, hiding from othersā¦ Throw it off the cliffā¦
T: Take the tunnel of lightā¦to see your birth intentionā¦
C: āFallā is the word comingā¦I fell into mumās intentionsā¦in the sky. A piece of light happily roaming aroundā¦there is a bigger Lightā¦a mother lightā¦happily roaming around, jumping from one to anotherā¦peaceful, calm, lovedā¦
The big mother light is joyful just watching me jumpā¦ (Client feels pleasure from her body and facial expression)ā¦
T: What were you meant to see and experience in the next life?
C: I had to see darkness and positivism togetherā¦My dad was both angry and lovingā¦both existā¦Strength and fear in me coexist like thatā¦Mum wants me to not speakā¦speaking up leads to stressā¦but I came not with the intention to remain silentā¦ I am in clouds, a little childā¦am being asked to be born.
T: By whom?
C: A Father figure tells meā¦I am not choosingā¦it doesnāt feel like a choiceā¦I am not interestedā¦but itās importantā¦Seems like I am choosing to be bornā¦now to go from small to greatnessā¦to stand tallā¦ (This seems to match the birth story where the client mentioned she came quite late.)
Stages 9 to 11 completed
Integration- you saw a lot of loving energy in your LBL and seems to be with you. Your Grand father was important to you? The utero experience brings some call for resilience in life it seems.
Client agrees and confirms they always had a close connect. Some scenes helped her understand her relationship with her mother as she took on her stress and emotions. How she kept herself away from her parents and they were not there for her too. Keeping away and hiding meant that she doesnāt need to be a parent to her mum and only meet her expectations.
Back to awareness and make appointment for 2 days later.
Session 2 30/08 (3 hours)
Same checklist
Regression and Induction: Dave Elman technique, garden, ball of light.
Past Life:
C: Iām in a forest land, itās a tribal cultureā¦we have spears for protection.
T: What age are you and what language do youāll speak/hear being spoken? Do you see any year?
C: Iām Miaā¦around late 20s or 30s. We donāt wear much clothes, itās the 1900s. I am dark, with black curly hair. A baby is in my armsā¦my husband is from my current life. There is war with another tribeā¦they want to harm usā¦we have to hide (this corresponds with her need to hide in this life for protection).
T: What are your feelings?
C: I feel helpless. They are burning my houseā¦I feel that my husband did not make a good decisionā¦Kids suffer with no one to take care of themā¦they hit me with a spear in my chest and I canāt breathe.
T: That must be hardā¦do you wish to see a scene from further back to understand what might be happening? (Client IMR) Going into the past of this lifetimeā¦taking the tunnel into the portal and a gate opensā¦
What age do you see now?Where are you now?
C: At 14 years old, I make my husband the leader. At 5/6 years, I was the chosen one to leadā¦my parents are leaders of the tribe.
T: What makes someone the leader in this tribe?
C: It was a mark on my footā¦It was important for the tribe but not for me. I am the chosen one but I donāt see its importanceā¦I donāt see the responsibility. I feel scared with the burden and the amount of strength I need to acquireā¦feel my husband can do it betterā¦but after the house burntā¦I wanted to take charge and it was too late.
T: What lesson can you keep from here?
C: When I hide behind helplessness, I am not using my strengths.
T: Would you like to continue and see other lives with the same theme- fear of leadership and taking responsibility?
C: Yes.
T: Tunnel of affect bridge counting backwardsā¦10 to 1ā¦
C: Nila is a wise womanā¦7 years oldā¦all people listen to herā¦she gives the right adviceā¦
T: Who else is in her family?
C: Parentsā¦same as this life. Siblingāhe is my current husband. Sibling is jealous of the attention I get from others.
T: What happens next?what can you see? (Her face looked tensed)
C: I continue to stay in this village and marry (itās my current husbandās brother). They have a complex relationship in this life too. Nila has 2 sonsā¦they resemble my nephews in the current life (from my current husbandās brotherās kids)
T: Last stages of this life (3 to 1)
C: I felt guiltyā¦right/wrongā¦I fear this authorityā¦Titleā¦some say I did rightā¦it was not all my faultā¦it would have happened anywayā¦many houses got burnt due to my decisionā¦but people got savedā¦I donāt see I did my bestā¦I was so into griefā¦that I created this problemā¦my last thoughts wereāI donāt deserve this powerā¦I canāt handle it. Now I see burning was goodā¦then I could not seeā¦
I went quietā¦stopped speakingā¦I see lightā¦I am going to itā¦my soul is carrying guilt, anger, sadnessā¦I am going to sourceā¦I experience oneness with Christā¦Krishnaā¦Iām yet to learn the Art of surrender over power.
What lesson do you see being passed on from this life time? You can check with the Masters tooā¦
Use power wisely and decision soundlyā¦is the voice comingā¦
Reframing-
T-Seems like your theme got clearer with the experiences you saw. There was guilt and sadness there. Lot of lessons for this life.You tried both role- taking charge and leading and then giving up your leadership to your husband. Both felt the same in the end. How was your experience as Nila?
Yes and the messages from those lessons as Mia and Nila are clear too I need to trust moreā¦in divine and love and my intuitions.
Completed 11-15 stages
We make another session appointment in 4 daysā¦
Session 3: 3/09
Checklist same
Induction Techniques: Dave Elman, progressive relaxation, ball of light, tunnelā¦
Current Issue: Rasa has decided to join her husbands company full time with he own will and is planning to leave her own profession as a counsellor for now.
The client is experiencing a significant shift from a position of high authority to a more subordinate role, which has led to feelings of demotion and emotional hurt. This issue is not solely about her relationship with her husband but also about her internal struggle with self-worth and acceptance of a followerās role. Despite her husbandās supportive behavior, she is grappling with self-doubt and a sense of being undervalued. Additionally, the client feels that despite providing her son with freedom and love, there is a perception of him having an āendless rope,ā and her attempts to step back seem to backfire. All these are still in line with the original theme of leadership and taking charge, its challenges and burden.
Clientās Experience:
C: āI feel like Iāve been demoted from being a boss to a personal assistant. Itās really affecting me. I wonder if I can genuinely appreciate being a follower. Itās not just about my husband; itās about how I see myself. He will treat me right, but I need to feel that I deserve it too. Thereās a lot of pain from self-doubt. Iāve given my son all the freedom and support he needs, but people still seem to think itās not enough. When I try to step back, it seems to backfire. I feel like Iām carrying a huge burden.ā
T): āCan you describe more about this burden youāre carrying?ā
C: āItās like Iām carrying a weight that I canāt shake off. I see it as a burden from my past life decisions. Itās been emotionally draining.ā
Past Life Regression:
Setting: The client was regressed to a past life where she was a mother named Mia, running away with her baby in a dark forest. The context was a historical setting where Mia, a princess in the Middle East around 1676, was fleeing from King Azharuddin who wanted to take her baby because it was born out of wedlock.
Clientās Experience:
Therapist (T): āHow are you feeling as you run with the baby?ā
C: āIām feeling desperate and scared. I had to run because the king wanted to take my baby.
T: āCan you tell me more about the king and his intentions?ā
C: āIām the princess, and King Azharuddin is forcing me to give up my baby. He wanted me to marry someone else, and I was not allowed to keep my baby.ā
T: āWhat emotions are coming up for you in this situation?ā
C: āI feel a lot of grief and helplessness. I keep roaming around in the jungle, never returning to the palace or civilization. I connect with a star later, but I couldnāt save the baby. I died in the jungle after four years.ā
T: it must be tough to be a part of that grief and not able to do much despite running awayā¦ it was in the past and you probably did your best with your best intentions.
C: yes , either ways I see I would not have been able to save the baby.
T- That must be very toughā¦would you like to float above or leave?
Life Between Lives (LBL):
Initial Visualization: The client visualized herself floating in a vast, dark space with a face like the sun guiding her to start her journey.
Feelings: She struggled with the fear of letting go and moving on from the Source, expressing a reluctance to leave the spiritual realm.
Clientās Experience:
Therapist (T): āWhat do you see in this space? Are you on Earth?ā
C: āI am at the start of my journey. The face seems like the Sun, telling me to go and start my journey. I am surrounded by darkness.ā
T: āWhat is the Source guiding you to do?ā
C: āThe Source is asking me to let go and trust. I feel afraid to leave, but I know I have to accept and go through it. I feel a heavy weight as I let go.ā
Temple sequence Facilitated: (only a brief summary of her words and experience is given, not full details)
I see Shiva and krishna blessing me. The more I lose track the more I merge. They shower petals on me. My head is sacrificed. It represents my Ego. I feel Ok. It seems to help me ā¦starting over as a girl and going to become a woman who is a channel.
T-You can burn what you donāt need and forgive yourself for the child you lost in this life.
C- I burn doubt, mistrust, haze, fear, confusion.
Closure:
Boat Visualization: The client chose to take a boat, symbolizing her decision to move forward and explore new possibilities.
Clientās Experience:
T: āWhat did you experience at Port 1?ā
C: āI saw my husband who symbolically returned my baggage. It felt like he was saying that the challenges are mine to handle and not his or the organizationās.ā
T: āHow did you feel during Port 2?ā
C: āI finally expressed my anger towards my mother for her absence. It was a relief to show my feelings without any defense from her.ā
T: āWhat about Port 3?ā
C: āI addressed my unresolved feelings with my friends and sister-in-law. I was able to confront them and express my hurt, which made me feel lighter and more at peace.ā
Integration-
T-Life where you lost a child and your experience on the ports tell you something about yourself, your decisions and who you are in this life? What might be your intentions and lessons to pursue here?
C-yes I want to be with these images and allow for them to speak.
T- What have you carried over from the past? What is it you need to let go?
C-I have been afraid to own my power and have not been surrendering completely.I carry a strong feeling of Ego/ supremacy.
In my current life I take responsibilities alone so feel lonely. My trust in divine gets shaky cause I donāt let go completely.
Now that you see that both lives in leadership were not your fault with decisions, nor as a decider for your child. You intended well in all lives and yet took on the guilt when a decision did not work out. You did not see what was working, why you were seen as a Leader and how people loved and trusted you.
C-I now want to let go of my pride, my control and fear of abandonment. I can see and feel I am loved and protected by the universe. I am taken care of and have always been held.( She gave many examples of being saved and protected.)
Post-Session Review:
Clientās Reflection: The client observed a significant reduction in her pain and a clearer perspective on her challenges. She recognized that her past life experiences aligned with her current struggles and felt more at peace with her decisions. The insights provided helped her understand the balance between leadership and support roles and how to integrate these aspects into her life.
Client feels like a last session and closure with a new topic but after the review she and I agreed to do a FLP instead of bringing a new topic as the pain level for the original theme is less and manageable.
Session 4 2 hours- 16/09 FLP
Same IMR except this time explicitly she said no to raising hands and wanted to talk only as it doesnāt affect her state of trans.
The suggestions by her Masters geared her towards taking the idea of collaboration in order to both take charge and not feel left alone with the sole burden.
In her future lives she saw herself playing shamanic drums and her family all independent of her, not needy like they have been. She was able to imagine a guiding light with her endeavors and abundant energy for positivism, growth and freedom from burden of responsibility. ā
When asked why she chose abundance she respondedā¦ā There is a beautiful combination of humility and equality around.ā
Integration of all sessions-
Images were more clear in FLP than in PLRT. In the past there were more people. Here I was alone but not lonely, there was fulfillment in small things.
I reminded Rasa that in her history intake she mentioned trying to do many things but with a foggy mindset.
I no longer feel the need to run around and do something grand or big. I was conditioned to think that greatness can only come with hardship, hard work, hard life. That I donāt deserve privileges was a conditioned mind set I carried. I know now that i deserve the love I have and the support I receive.
On summarizing and empathizing how she was seeming more connected and sure about and at one with her power when she spoke about playing drums in her future.
I feel capable of imparting power to others and owning my own power too. Imparting and co- creating my own and for others too. Iām more grounded now.
Rasa is going to a movement therapy training. Has trained in shamanic healing and ancestral healing recently too. Seemed to me like her path was always clearing, she just needed to āseeāā to believe it! Most of all to feel the divine Grace herself both from the universe and in her being.
EVENT- burden and guilt over taking charge/ leading
SUJECTIVE INTERPRETATION- lost her house and burnt villagers houses in past lives while being chosen as the leader. So now Leadership and decisions bring lot of burden/. self- doubt.
CONFLICT- Spiritual Masters guide her to taking charge and using the art of surrender and trust in letting go.
DECISION MADE TO RESOLVE CONFLICT - Rasa realized that its fine to take decisions and collaborate so I donāt take it as a burden always. In her own words, ā I must trust my intuitions and surrender to DIVINE guidance more. I am looked after and loved always.ā
