On grief and grieving by Dr Elisabeth Kubler ross

For me Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross holds a very divine place and I don’t know how many times I’ve recommend this phenomenal book to all those who’ve lost a loved one.
IN the past this book, “On Grief and Grieving” would go out of print and we had difficulty getting it but I found it on google the other day and I’m thrilled to share it with you.



Thankyou for sharing Venu ji!

1 Like

Dear V,
Thank you so much for the value addition to the knowledge bank of our forum.

1 Like


I am so grateful to Dr Venu for sharing this information with us.Thank you so much!
I just finished reading this amazing book by Dr Elisabeth Kubler Ross .In my opinion this book is not only a resource of connection for those ,who have lost some of their loved ones but also a treasure house for knowing how to heal our mind,emotions, and physical body even when we are facing challanges,and bad situations in the process of living with our loved ones.An intense pain through a disaster does take away some portion of life from us for a moment though keeping us physically intact,
its more of an emotional death…
We deny,get angry,bargain, feel depressed,face and than accept further learning, reviving and renewing our emotional and physical self.
It was a superb learning as to how to even understand the nature of life and loss .Be it a loss of a loved one or a loss of ones own personality in the process of the struggle for the survival ,its always an acceptance through a complete understanding that assures healing in true sense.Once it is done, then we are ready to release the stress and recieve
a fruitful healing.A new door to a new learning in life opens up naturally and the process goes on and on till we pass all the tests and get ready to be one with the only one supreme in this whole universe.

Sharing here with all, some lines from the book which I felt genuinely connected with .Also these lines have a universal message for all.

  • A denial in grief fades,it is slowly replaced with the reality
    of loss,

*Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process.Do not bottle up anger,instead explore it.You will go into pain but you will come out the other end.The anger will subside.

  • After a death,bargaining often moves from past to the future.

  • In grief,depression is a way for future to keep us protected by shutting down the nervous system,so that we can adapt to something we feel we can not handle.It makes us rebuild ourselves from the ground up.It takes us to a deeper place in our soul that we would not normally explore.

  • finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad.It is about accepting the reality and recognizing that this new reality is the permanant reality…

*Regrets will be a part of grief,but if you follow the thread to its core,you may find a sense of wrongness that hasbeen with you your whole life.This grief may provide the oppurtuinity for even greater healing.

*IF you cry your last tear,you will feel released.

  • Uncried Tears have a way of filling the well of sadness even more.

  • Angels are the extraordinary coming through the ordinary.

  • Dreams offer us the oppurtuinity to say goodbye and to finish business.

  • The message is that strength is life and death is weakness…Strength is about letting go.

*Birth is not a begining and death is not an ending.

  • After death you will review life not in the first person but you will review it from the perspective of how everyone else experienced you.

  • when we do not work through our grief ,we lose an oppurtuinity to heal our soul,psyche and heart.

  • There is a wonder in the power of grief.

  • Allowing the power of grief to heal and to live with the one we lost.A gift of grief in grace!


Just finished reading this wonderful book although it took long to complete it. It takes an effort and patience to soak the knowledge and depth of pain shared in this book.
Indu has presented a beautiful synopsis of the book and serves as a guide to what this book is about.
While going into the depth of topic,as I searched, I found a non profit organization “open to hope” of which one of the founders is David Kessler the coauthor of this book. He also gives support through grief.com.
Came across his pod cast, in which he has introduced the sixth stage of grief i.e. finding meaning.
As per him the stage of finding meaning is more akin to post traumatic growth.
He presents his thoughts that may guide in understanding of finding meaning:
1.meaning is relative and personal
2.meaning takes time you may not find it until months or even years after loss
3.meaning doesn’t require understanding. It is not necessary to understand why someone died in order to find meaning and as many have learned, you may never find a satisfying why or understand why they died.
4. Even when you do find meaning it won’t feel like it was worth the cost of the person who died
5. Your loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift or a blessing. Loss is what happens in life, meaning is what you make happen after the loss
6. Only you can find your own meaning
7. Meaningful connections may replace painful memories in time. It is an extremely compassionate approach to a person in grief.