Posting a case from our therapist, feel free to share your views and your approach in dealing with a case such as this.
"I have a client who has approached me for PLRT and today we had our first session. He shared his history which contained that he is in a loveless marriage as it was an arranged set up and he and his wife never fell in love with each other. They have a daughter together who is 8 years old. 7 years back he met a women and fell in love with her and from that moment has been emotionally and physically cheating on his wife. He wanted to leave his wife but circustances such as his wife father falling ill and then his own mother falling ill, he felt he never had the “right moment” to leave his wife. His wife found out 1.5 years back about his extra marital affair and hasn’t been able to process the pain which makes her keep lashing at him. She needs him to love her which despite trying multiple times he is not able to. His girlfriend broke up with him as well as she thought he was finding excuses to not leave his wife and be with her.
He came to me with this presenting problem and what he should do ahead. We worked out the pros and cons of all the different decisions and choices that he could make.
The answers to the questions however, he is really looking forward to addressing are the following-
Am I cheating because of my past karma?
He said he is cheating because he can’t be honest with the other person as he is not honest with himself. So comes the question -why is it difficult for me to be honest. The pain level of this he reported at an 8.
He is not able to decide and do what is right for him as that would hurt the people around him. The question being- why am I afraid to hurt the people I love? Pain level of this is 7.
Exploring further we came down to the premise that something that hurts him every minute is that “why haven’t I able to create a life for myself where I am in a loving relationship with a partner, happy and content with a healthy home atmosphere and where his emotions matter.” The pain level reported for this is a 10.
If you could recommend, what should the final theme be and how should I address it to begin the PLRT experience, it would be of great help. "
As I read the details , I feel that theme is still not clear as the client is still holding on to the core emotions.
The focus should shift to the emotions which are acting as motivator for his current choices and resultant dilemma.
Is the core emotion -guilt / victim ?
The essence of the issue here is that the client is unable to make choices that will make him happy. Instead he is choosing to be miserable. He is justifying this by putting himself on the sacrificial edifice.
Since our job is not to advice or be opinionated on the clients issues and instead help them discover their own answer , I am refraining in analysing the case further (that will be psychotherapy and psychoanalysis). Therefore, I would suggest to interview the client with focus on core emotions involved rather then actual contents of the story. It is surprising to discover that even though on the surface , the story of each one of us appear so different, but the core emotions involved are so limited !
Regards
Ram
What have you observed when this client narrated this to you.? If he
expressed strong emotions as he narrates, you can ask him to narrate again
and you can ask him where in his body he feels this. Ask him to stay with
the body sensation and the emotion. And go to the time when they
experienced the same emotions, the same sensations… affect briged
I have used this technique several times with success. This does not
require relaxation. This works for 2 of my clients.
Also, refer to what Woolger has to say about this technique in THE
regression therapy handbook vol1 he talks about psycho - somatic affect
bridge (don’t remember the exact term he uses)
Yes…I have used this method of sensing, feeling even the subtlest of sensations in the body( they are quick to say where and what they feel) and then go to the root of this particular feeling or body sensation.
Thank you for taking the time to share such priceless knowledge Bhavani.
Ramji you are right it’s more therapeutic when we are non judgmental. @Mehak_Mansukhani let us know when you’ve tried these
He did express strong emotions, the strongest of them being guilt. Thank you for bringing affect bridge into focus. I will try this in my next session and report back my findings.
Thank you for your input. I am a practising psychologist and hence the focus on analysing the case. I am working on taking a step back from analysing and focusing on the core emotions. The core emotion showcased is guilt. The guilt arising from his wrongdoing towards a lot of people. However, i did observe moments of shame and self-victimisation which he was quick to rationalise by saying he did it for his own happiness and love.
