Providing a non-judgemental space

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Early this morning, I was little awake bit early than usual. In this alpha state of mind, I initiated the history-taking stage of my own PLR session as a client. Somehow, I discovered that I have anxiety related to being judged, and it is affecting my overall personality, relationships, and most aspects of my life.

Out of curiosity I googled on judging others and found these wonderful lines from bible.

Bible Gateway Matthew 7 :: NIV. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

These lines reminded me of lessons on polarity, and I wondered if I have a habit of judging people. As a therapist, on what basis would I assure my clients of offering a non-judgmental space?

Then, I spent a few moments researching this topic. Referring to few articles and blogs, I was amazed to discover that being non-judgmental holds profound spiritual significance. It is a vast topic that cannot be fully covered within this post. Here, I will attempt to share some knowledge that will guide us toward true non-judgment, not only on the surface but deep within.

Below lines are from a video blog, extracted only relevant sentences…

We all know that spiritual growth is all about awareness and as you advance spiritually you become aware of the reality around you and the reality within you. The moment you judge a person you limit the awareness of that person. The moment you judge anything whether it’s a person an event or anything else, in that moment you are not aware of the message being brough to you . When you choose to pass judgement what’s in front of you, you are not open and receptive to the message wants being brought to you(the reality). It is because you have chosen to attach a certain thought an idea or belief about what is in front of you which you then accept as truth. When you pass judgement on to the person in front of you, you create a belief and project that belief on to the person in front of you and when you do that you are not aware of the person in front of you because you are only aware of the projection of your own mind. So judging others, you only see only a reflection of thoughts ideas or belief and that is exact opposite of awareness and that is lack of knowledge and that is ignorance.

One more from a blog…

We live in a comparative culture: richer/poorer, thinner/fatter, prettier/less pretty, smarter/not-so-smart, etc. This tends to make us very restless and less satisfied with our lives because even though we judge ourselves to be above others on certain scales of comparison, we inevitably find that we must judge ourselves to be below others on other scales.

When we don’t let go of constant judging and fail to live with an attitude of equanimity towards life’s constant challenges, we get lost. How can we live and appreciate our life when we are constantly judging ourselves and others, and labeling each event as positive or negative? How can we enjoy life when we are lost in keeping score?

To summarize, in the role of a therapist, it is inevitable to create a non-judgmental environment for the client. Engaging in mindfulness becomes indispensable for comprehending the present reality, understanding the client, and gaining insight into our own selves. This is precisely why our beloved guru, @Venu, places such significant emphasis on meditation—it not only heightens mindfulness but also bestows profound strength and spiritual guidance.

It is just my limited understanding of this topic. I would kindly request everyone to share their views.

Let yourself become that space that welcomes any experience without judgement.”

― Tsoknyi Rinpoche

With love

Ashish

The Radical Act of Not Judging. Just keep doing your best. Everyone… | by Marshall Bowden | The Startup | Medium

Being Non-Judgemental | Why Judgemental People are Disadvantaged (youtube.com)

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Hello Ashish
For this, I penned down a few words.

तुम मुझसे सच न पूछा करो
बात कुछ और होती है
दीवार के पीछे सच क्या है
ये जिद न किया करो
दिखाने को और बताने को
बात कुछ और होती है l

हर बात को देखने की नज़र तय है
हर बात नज़रों से मत देखा करो l

मेरी आंखें आसमान के पार देखती है
तुम जरा अपनी एनेक साफ़ किया करो।

Love
Neelam

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Reminds me of the principle of Tabula rasa, (Latin: “scraped tablet”—i.e., “clean slate”) It was, I guess mentioned in our preparatory lessons. Maybe I am wrong.

Even though respected Venu attributes his success to this principle; this principle has surely left me confused… bcoz, an individual does not live in isolation; you are bound to have experiences & be influenced. Thus, you end up having prints on your clean slate.

The so called “opinions” that are expressed are nothing but these very imprints (experiences & influences) on our clean slate.

I have chosen to accept tabula rasa not in terms of limiting the other person/thing as you mention in your blog. But, as a measure of my own limitations.

After all for the ability to judge, or to give an opinion, you need knowledge; which is nothing but external influences on your mind and experiences of your body (controlled by the mind).

All the above notwithstanding; after a session, what is the basis of your discussion with the client? How’d you evaluate the session and give follow up advice, if you are going to be non opinionated & non judgmental?

So, I guess, nothing wrong in being judgmental / opinionated as long as you are aware and accept the inherent limitations and you are not a slave to the results of such opinions or being judgmental.

Talking of meditation in this context, though fashionable; I believe is foolish. What does meditation do…? *At best it restores the balance or rather to some extent dampens the disturbance in our state of being. *

Unfortunately, we are all living in Maya… can you really remain ‘Balanced’ all the time? The answer is an unambiguous NO.

We all wear different HATS for different situations and change more colors than the chameleon can. *Therefore, loosely invoking these concepts is fooling yourself. It is like stepping on two boats together. *

Here is something that I read recently and I guess it is a message for our times…

Be aware of your connection to the universe. Live with the awareness that everything you are end everything you do directly or indirectly affects everything and everyone around you. Small or big, what you choose to do can alter the course or destiny of living or non-living things that come your way. As you realize this, you will take more responsibility for your actions and influence, and will never take spiritual things lightly.

I cannot help but laugh at myself bcoz I have chosen to respond to a very serious topic in your message; even as I am trying to make sense of the above para that I have quoted. To my mind, this paragraph also, is subtly talking about meditation, being judgmental etc. and all the regular mundane stuff that we get to read.

*I guess, the message is not about do’s and don’ts. But about being aware *

GOT TO BE ODD, TO BE # 1

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Interesting lines… Good poem to read on Basant Panchami (V Day)

But, it felt like an incomplete jugalbandi of a quwali.

खैर, कविता जो बन गयी, सो बन गयी…

(शायद कवि के भाव मुझसे परे हैं)

ऐनक साफ करने पर बड़ी दिक्कत हो जाएगी क्योंकि ऐनक साफ करते ही, दीवार के पीछे का सच भी दिखने लगेगा और कवि के आसमान से परे, जो आसमान है वो भी साफ दिखने लगेगा ।

इसलिए, शायद बेहतर होता अगर कवि ऐनक साफ करने की सलाह न देकर, कहता;

**तुम जरा मेरी आँखों से देखा करो … **

GOT TO BE ODD, TO BE # 1

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Dear Neelam,

Wonderful lines. Seems very relevant to the post. I am not sure if i have completely understood what the poet has to convey but certainly got an overveiw. lovley creation Neelam. Just cleaned my spectacles. :slightly_smiling_face: :eyeglasses:

Regards

Ashish

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Thank you for sharing your valuable and profound insights. Your perspective has added a new layer of depth to this discussion Your remarks are a testament to your intellectual prowess, demonstrating a balance of thoughtfulness and precision.

From my perspective, there are two distinct phenomena: one is a reaction, predominantly a product of our unconscious mind’s conditioning. The other is a response, a result of meticulous observation of the present circumstances or mindfulness. Upon scrutinizing your comments through the lens of my conditioning, it appears to be a mindful response rather than an unconscious reaction.

To illustrate , if I comment you are a person with intellectual prowess, then I would construct an identity of you in my mind Subsequently, my reactions may be influenced by this preconceived identity rather than a diligent observation of the present context. This identity could potentially lead me to endorse your statements without fully comprehending their content, which is being judgmental .

To simplify further, if I say today your comments were outstanding, I am mindful or non-judgmental. But if I say you are a genius, I am being judgmental. To distill this further, if I write your comments as being outstanding today, I am exercising mindfulness or non-judgment. However, if I label you as a genius, I am engaging in judgment.

Below is the response to your thoughts on the role of meditation in being non-judgmental. For me, meditation, yoga, or many such practices help take conscious control of our mind by minimizing the impact of the unconscious mind (Maya) upon us. It’s like sharpening the axe before cutting the tree.

As therapists, the absence of such control could render us ill-equipped to manage the rapidly fluctuating emotional states that clients often experience during sessions. These sessions can be likened to a roller coaster ride, with clients navigating through a myriad of emotional situations that are in constant flux. We must notice every non-verbal cue of the client during the pre-talk or history taking to know how the client reacts to a certain situation. The non-verbal reactions may vary from client to client. Even the slightest alteration in non-verbal cues warrants our attention, as it could signify a major source of distress for the client. In this context, we can be likened to surgeons performing a delicate operation.

There are instances during sessions when clients may spontaneously transition to another lifetime. Consequently, maintaining a record of the shifting identities, managing emotions, handling stress, ensuring the safety of both clients and us, needs a high level of mental alertness. Imagine if in this scenario, Maya controls the therapist, then what would be the outcome of such sessions?

In my view, the concepts of ‘Clean Slate’ or ‘Tabula Rasa’ are standard of perfection. No one can escape Maya in this living world (except saints, I believe). While a total liberation from ‘Maya’ may not be feasible for us, practices such as meditation and yoga, coupled with our lifestyle choices, knowledge, and wisdom, can aid us in exerting control over ourselves.

Please consider that my response is influenced by a combination of knowledge, experience, conditioning, or in other words, the impact of Maya on my consciousness to a certain degree. :blush:

Once again, I would like to thank you for expressing your views and providing me with an opportunity to ponder more over the topic.

With love

Ashish

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Hi Ashish,
Never felt more tipsy than after having read your post :innocent:
I’ll need to come back and read it again :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
By the way if I remember right; when you created your post it was your early morning Alpha state. But when I read your post and responded; it was late night probably the date had changed and I am not sure which Greek alphabet to use to describe my state. Surely, it must have been one of the subsets of the Beta state. :sunglasses:
Hopefully I’d discuss this further once I have read your message againUntil then hoping that your choice of adjectives was not a covert backhanded comment.
Rgds

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Dear Ashish,
I was very young when a movie called “Daddy” was released. It was casted by Anupam Kher, Pooja Bhatt and more whose names I don’t remember. That movie was a success with fantastic ghazals.[My favourites] Yet only a dialogue had impacted me at that early age. It was said by the old maid who had brought up Pooja Bhatt[in the movie]. When Pooja Bhatt asks her her opinion about her alcoholic father[acc. to pooja, who had abandoned her. ] The maid very clearly said, " At my age I don’t judge anyone."
I never forgot the dialogue. It was so impactful to me. Eversince I have lived my life never judging anyone. After all. We never what battle someone is fighting or have fought. What all are his/her imprints and beliefs. I completely agree with our master@Venu when he says don’t play God, Never to judge.

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Dear Atul ji,

I am wondering if we can use my post as a confuse deepning method as you felt tipsy after reading it. :smiley:

Generally, writers use the first sentence to gain the attention of the readers.It’s called a hook. Alpha waves was a part of it. :slightly_smiling_face:

I have great respect for you and your uniqueness ( which you prefer to call it odd) and my choice of adjectives were in inline with my positive emotions. I would always prefer silence over giving any backhanded compliment.

I would recommend that you read page 166 (Deepening and Supportive Techniques) from the Handbook of PLR where it is beautifully explained how we create identities and how it affects our life . Also, you may read books from Eckhart Tolle or watch his video bolgs. Refer the below link.

I have written this post through my limited understanding to gain some more insights from other members. I request our beloved guru @venu to shed some more light on the topic.

With love

Ashish

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Hi,

It’s your product, your baby you can do whatever…:upside_down_face:

But, if you want to use “We”, you’ll need to establish it’s credentials; by getting it brain stormed.

Science is all about rigorous testing failing which it is nothing more than an individual’s fancy.

Irrespective of whether the credentials are established or not. Allow me the audacity to parody a nursery rhyme that most of us, if not all; have learnt as amongst the first few poems in our life.

The potent combination of your knowledge, experience, conditioning… the impact of Maya included was

Up above my head, so high;

Like, some learnings I should try.

GOT TO BE ODD, TO BE # 1

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Hi,

It’s your product, your baby you can do whatever…:upside_down_face:

But, if you want to use “We”, you’ll need to establish it’s credentials; by getting it brain stormed.

Science is all about rigorous testing failing which it is nothing more than an individual’s fancy.

Irrespective of whether the credentials are established or not. Allow me the audacity to parody a nursery rhyme that most of us, if not all; have learnt as amongst the first few poems in our life.

The potent combination of your knowledge, experience, conditioning… the impact of Maya included was

Up above my head, so high;

Like, some learnings I should try.

GOT TO BE ODD, TO BE # 1