At the same time, I sometimes wonder whether this conditioning is not just limited to Indian women, but is actually a deeply human tendency across cultures … the fear of choosing oneself fully without guilt.
Maybe women express it more openly because nurturing and sacrifice have been emotionally reinforced in us for generations.
But somewhere, many men too silently carry the same conditioning in different forms.
What feels connected to me in this whole discussion is not whether blue or red is “right,” but how a simple question revealed the invisible beliefs shaping our choices without us even realizing it.
Very true Nidhi
I feel healing becomes possible only when clients feel emotionally safe enough to question their own limiting beliefs without fear or judgment.
And this cooperation between therapist and client creates the space where new possibilities can finally emerge.
I completely understand Harmeet where this comes from. At the same time, I personally feel choosing ourselves does not always mean we are less compassionate or less selfless. Sometimes self-preservation is also wisdom, not selfishness.
Maybe true balance lies in being able to choose from awareness rather than only from conditioning, guilt, logic or sacrifice. This is what makes this question so fascinating for me.
@Kaynaz
I feel true growth begins the moment we become honest enough to observe ourselves without judgment… whether it is selfishness, fear, guilt, sacrifice or compassion. This self-awareness itself becomes healing.
And yes, somewhere learning to understand others deeply while also understanding ourselves is perhaps the real balance in life.
This one line beautifully captures the essence of balance in creation itself. Shakti is not just power….. it is movement, emotion, compassion, nurturing, creation and life force. Without it, even pure consciousness remains still.
So I read this quote today about why only men go to caves to find enlightenment! Because they can conveniently dump everything on women. Who selflessly carry the burden of children and home so men can refine themselves. Women don’t need to go to caves for that-
“Their main obstacle wasn’t a lack of discipline. It was conditioning, society spent generations telling women to shrink, to stay quiet, to put everyone else’s needs first, and to doubt their own knowing. They are not empty, waiting to be filled. They are buried, waiting to be freed. Every time they say a boundary out loud, every time they trust their gut over someone else’s opinion, and every time they shed a layer of societal shame, they are doing deep spiritual work. They don’t need a cave in the mountains to be HOLY”
So truly said. This is an ongoing debate. Sometimes it goes to a ridiculous point to prove something. It’s about personal choice. Women have equal rights and they don’t need to announce and earn it, it should be as smooth as breathing. Time and mind frame is changing but it will still take generations to get there.
Yes, even I wish for that. Simple easy life, I feel consumed by so many different aspects now that it becomes overwhelming sometimes and I feel like may be I should re-born as a cow eat grass and just lay around and I dont have to worry about anything
@nidhicl Aww! That’s so sweet! Even I feel that, not meeting many of you but still connecting at a deep level, we shall meet in person too, hopefully soon! Till then let these feelings flow
eat grass and just lay around and I dont have to worry about anything 
