Client Information
Name - Tissa (Names have been altered for confidentiality)
Gender - Female
Age - 46 years
Profession
Worked in IT from age 20 to 42
Transitioned to a career in counselling 4 years back
Client Assessment
VAK - 5,7,3 (higher kinesthetic). Id like to add that I found her able to visualise and have auditory messages too.
Focus score: 7/10
Eye roll score - 2
Pain level- 7
Client History
History taking happened over 2 sessions of approximately 2 hours each
Familial and Personal Background
She is a single child and single mother, with no family support at all.
Feels isolated and has had some vague suicidal thoughts
Parental Status
Both parents are deceased.
Childhood Memories
Limited memories available for sharing
Recalled feeling very isolated during time spent in Africa where her father was in foreign service.
Parentsā health and relationship
Parentsā mental health
Both parents had schizophrenia
Her motherās illness was diagnosed when Tissa was around 16 years old.
Parental Relationship
Parentsā relationship played a significant role in her upbringing.
There was significant emotional and relational distance between her parents.
They cohabitated in the same room for 6-8 years without intimacy, as described by Tissa, using separate laundry, kitchen, and utensils to avoid confrontations.
Her father provided financial support but offered no emotional support.
Impact on Tissa
Emotional neglect from parents
Father provided only monetary support.
Academic and Personal Resilience
Education
Tissa was a diligent student who kept herself occupied in chores and books.
Motherās Mental Health Episodes
Distinctly remembers breakdowns in her motherās mental health.
Recalled several hospitalizations, particularly one during her school years.
Letters written by her mother to siblings for help went unanswered, leading to feelings of helplessness for Tissa.
A sentiment she expressed during her recollections
Unable to recall exact number and order of hospitalizations.
Additional Challenges
Motherās Physical Health
Suffered a stroke in Tissaās early 20s, leading to partial paralysis.
Physiotherapy was ineffective.
Support System
Had a house help.
Father did not provide further assistance to her mother or Tissa.
Financial Problems
Faced financial difficulties.
Family could only afford basic necessities.
Affect in Household
Emotional Climate
House was lonely with occasional intellectual conversations with her father.
His mental health seemed fine though he had severe anger bouts, lashing out at Tissa and her mother
She didnāt mention fear but later during the regression, fear with her fatherās anger was quite evident.
There seems to be duality to her relationship with her father (admiration and fear).
Fatherās Brother (āChachaā)
Was the only adult providing warmth and kindness, helping Tissa cope.
Only one from the family who didnāt mind her dads attitude and came home with the intention to bond
Significant Life Events :
0-14 Years
Felt lonely, fearful, helpless with no friends and no emotional support.
Both parents struggled with mental illness and their relationship.
Grade 8/14th Year
Formed a close-knit group of friends who remain her support system.
18th Year
Felt suicidal, but found solace in IIT Delhi and developed a love for computer programming/engineering.
21st Year
Secured a great job
Began dating Anil, who reminded her of her father due to his intelligence.
22nd-25th Years
Became a social extrovert, enjoying financial stability and good work.
27th Year
Lived with Anil,
He had no income and low emotional quotient (EQ),
No conversations, resembling her mother in terms of support and engagement;
No fights but no support either.
Some part of the relationship was long-distance due to his work related travels.
27-36 Years
Endured a decade-long challenging period.
37th Year
Birth of son Sameer
Felt pressured into motherhood by Anil.
37-42 Years
Disconnected from Sameer due to constant anger
. ā I was constantly angry and horrible as a motherā
Feels guilt and shame about her mothering.
42nd Year
Owned her role as a parent when Anil withdrew
Agreed to split without divorce.
Anil refused divorce or custody of Sameer, though Tissa was willing for both.
Their dog Shimmer brought the love that was missing in every human interaction and relationship
43rd Year
Entered a relationship with Rusty, a recovering alcoholic, prompting Tissaās interest in counseling.
46th Year
Experienced a painful and turbulent breakup with Rusty, leading to heartache.
Struggles with shame for not connecting enough with Sameer who has anger issues at age 10.
Current Emotional State and Coping Mechanisms
Range of Feelings
Shame
Related to her perceived failures as a mother and her past.
Abandonment
From family members during her motherās illnesses and emotional neglect from parents.
Isolation
Felt from childhood, through her relationships, to the present.
Coping Mechanisms
Staying Busy
Keeps herself engaged with tasks and responsibilities.
Internal Strength
Acknowledges she holds a lot within to maintain composure but finds it too scary to let go.
Intrusive Questions and Concerns
āIs my child happy?ā - Deep concern about the well-being of her son, Sameer.
āAm I carrying patterns of my own mother?ā - Questions whether she is repeating her motherās behaviors and emotional patterns.
āIs there no God?ā - Struggles with spiritual beliefs and existential questions.
āWhy do I feel helplessness and shame?ā - Seeks to understand the roots of her intense emotions.
Visualization Exercise (metaphor for her unaccepted feeling)
Conceptualized a āclosetā in her house where she has locked away her feelings. She wants to unlock and release these emotions to free herself.
Though fearful of opening this closet, she is willing and wishes to face these locked feelings.
Senses a readiness, although hesitant, to trust and explore her past through PLR. (showing strong VAK)
Session 1 and 2
3 hours each approximately
With history intake I did a dry run till the garden only
Session 2
Next day we went through all including happy memory, womb experience (in utero) and cliff.
Great bell chant
Dave elman
Progressive relaxation
Ball of light
Garden of healing (paradise)
Happy Memory
Womb experience (in-utero)
Cliff and boxes
Garden
She described white and red flowers, a water body, bench, green grass, hearing laughter, a pond, sky was cloudy (her favorite)
Happy memory
Her 7th or 8th birthday. Her uncle visiting ā¦made her happyā¦
Her 5th birthdayā¦expecting a toy ā¦its there ā¦feeling excitedā¦
I open the giftā¦Iām super excitedā¦.itās a lego setā¦I can make many thingsā¦a cool carā¦windmill, mechanical motor, pretty flowers to decorate in front of the houseā¦
Who else is there?
Father might be thereā¦neighbour children were always aroundā¦difficulty to see people.
T - Stay with this excitement of receiving and how it felt to be showered with the gift of your choice and the doting eyes of the family around you. When you are ready let me know to move using your right handā¦she did after a few minutes and smilesā¦
T-Return to the garden and find yourself in a safe and happy place near the river. Here you can chose to go into another memory of your babyhood from this life ā¦on a count of 5-4-3-2-1
C- I see another memory of the doll I had when I was really small and barely could stand up. She used to be put in a shelf by my mother.
T- what else do you see or recognize, who else is there and around you?
C - I canāt recognize the house from Somalia. Iām standing up, the electricity has gone, its dark, I see candles. She described the doll in detail with brown hair and a frock. But she could not see herself or her mother who was there as everything looked hazy.
T- How do you feel?
C - I wonder how can I balance so well to get to the shelf so high? I wonder where this house is from? I feel a pleasant satisfaction to touch the shelf and play with my doll.
T-Enjoy and allow this moment to be felt as you are with much joy and filled with a feeling of deep satisfactionā¦Let me know when you feel you have played enough and feel ready to move onā¦with your right hand indicationā¦(she did after a few minutes.).
On a count of 5 to 1ā¦you may now enter a tunnel which takes you to the doorā¦when it opens you will be inside your mothers womb in this lifeā¦
C - I fell feel weightless, I anticipate my birth but donāt wish to leave the comfort of being in the safety of this wombā¦I donāt understand why I donāt wish to come out (crying)
T-Holding her hands and wiping her tearsā¦do you feel cared for here? Do you sense any colors or sensations ?
C - I sense water around and see orange/ yellow light
Allow yourself to feel the comfort of this light and peace in the womb as you experience.
As you come out and experience this difficulty in letting go, what might be the intention you have taken this birth for?
C -Determination, Endurance and resilience.
T -If these are your lessons to learn and imbibe within you as qualities, what might be the qualities you need to let go?
C - anger and shameā¦
Lets go to the garden firstā¦
Cliff exerciseā¦big and small box facilitated
Big box- Tissa let go of shame and inadequacy
Small box- Got rid of Burden and anger
We came back to the garden and saw her Master, in the form of her beloved dog and friend. She felt good and agreed she sees him as her soul friend. Her dog Shimmer. In the garden I reminded her to recall the pleasant happy memories of her doll and her birthday with the gift of her choice. I also reminded her of her uterus experience and the message of endurance, resilience and courage.
Came back to present presence after the Gardenā¦on a count of 10 to 1.
Tissa expressed that she felt unsafe with her mum. If she did something wrong she would get beaten for sure. With her father only if she instigated him would he beat her so felt āsaferā. āI always took care of my motherās emotions and mothered her. She took care of my education. With father my feelings had a duality, admiration and fear.ā She was surprised by her doll memory. Tissa felt a sudden resistance of seeing her past but the discovery of resilience in uterus helped her feel she can endure the challenge. We spoke briefly about the next session in 2 days after the weekend coming up.
Session 3 (4 hours)
We started with a chat about her feelings. How its been in between these sessions for her and whether she noticed any changes since we started our sessions especially around dreams. She reported sleeping a lot more and dreams that she doesnāt seem to recall. I suggested she keeps a dream journal near her.
She wanted to speak more on the feeling of shame that she carries within her. Though it comes from her family and having parents with mental illness, not being able to invite her friends home so they might get to know her inner life and vulnerability. She also feels she doesnāt have a Masters in psychology and being a diploma holder brings shame to her as a counselling professional. On inquiring further, she admitted that for her mother, everything was about academic excellence and she feels she was not living up to her expectations of excellence. There is some guilt and shame related to that even today.
We started with Dave Elman, body scan, progressive relaxation, ball of light, garden,age regression which brought the same pain of guilt and shame, where it probably beganā¦
The garden she described had ponds, benches, flowers, open patches and a pleasant feel overall. Her dog is there and the feeling that someone is there feels good.
This life memory that brings pain and hurtā¦
Neighbouring uncle and aunt ā¦I enjoyed visiting themā¦had to be carefulā¦dad was not okā¦he had told me not to go in one of his not so good momentsā¦
T-How do you feel when you go? Remember you are in control
C- one evening I am there and he comes home and saw meā¦I am scaredā¦I hid behind a doorā¦I think I am dragged out but I donāt recallā¦I peed while being draggedā¦this feels shamefulā¦(The client also shared her OCD with cleanliness and hygiene during a later stage)
They had tried to tell me to goā¦
I think dad had rung the bellā¦ (client slowly trying to recall)ā¦
They (neighbour) had known the problemā¦they tried but ā¦.(client is crying)ā¦I feel I had to handle this betterā¦.hide betterā¦when he was in office I felt very safeā¦
T-What do you feel when you recall this? This must be really sad and difficult for you being a childā¦you can come up and float anytime or come back to the gardenā¦are you ok to proceed?
C- Yes I can proceedā¦client is calmerā¦I think of the corridor between the neighbourās house and mineā¦walking in between the 2ā¦how my home was not happyā¦parents arguingā¦it was not okā¦I look at their house with sadnessā¦I donāt want to leave this house and go back to mineā¦
Its confusing ā¦I want to leave this spaceā¦(I ask the client to let go with deep breathing and relaxing her muscles around the head and upper body )
T-You see and understand the memory from this life time and use the same feeling to tap into another past life time with a similar feeling to understand betterā¦.Take the ball of light and through the tunnel we go into pastā¦counting backwards 5ā¦4ā¦3ā¦2ā¦1ā¦
C- floodā¦im floating aboveā¦ā¦no one is thereā¦(here the client throughout preferred a floating/witness stance )there is an old man sitting on a ācharpaiāā¦everything is goneā¦there is water everywhereā¦
I am sitting on the ground, Iām very smallā¦I diedā¦(it was a shockā¦)
T-Are you ok to back track and get some detailsā¦what are the names of the baby that is you and the grandpa?
C- Grandpa is Ranaji as people call him
Baby is Gudiya (not sure boy or girl)There is a mother who is cooking or busyā¦no one looks at me. Mother is no one I see from this life I can only hear her. Grandpa may be my dog.
T: What else?
C : why did no one try to save me (crying)ā¦
Stress management with deep breathing and relaxing her musclesā¦you have endured pain and it must feel really heavy. ā¦you can float above and watch yourself as a witnessā¦its in the past and just allowing you to witness so you can understand some messages for this lifeā¦
T: What do you think you are carrying from there into this current life now ?
C : I feel no one is there and that I have been abandoned or rejected? How to feel cared for and how to care for my son who needs me? I feel helplessness that I am carrying from there to here and it leaves me confused
T: I see it is very daunting and hard to see that you endured a family that could not be there and how all were helpless and dying and leaving you to your own rescueā¦
C: Yes I understand thatā¦but its still painfulā¦Iād like to go to the garden and restā¦
T: You can choose now, you are not helpless today though you are carrying it now you know where it comes from. You are responsible to keep it or understand and let go when ready.
Closure with boat going into
Port1: Loved one
Client saw her ex partnerā¦he accepted her need to be cared for which he didnāt fulfilā¦he accepts it
Port 2: A person whom you have not said what you wanted to
Her ex husbandā¦she dozed off
Port 3: A conflict
she was not conscious
Return to garden. Here we intensified her pain as she felt helpless with Rana (her grandfather) and allowed her to feel it fully, see the pain for what it is no matter how tough, she has the choice to breathe deeply before letting go. I facilitated the healing light going through all parts of her body to release the stress and allow the relaxed state to be taken into her coming back to present .
Coming back to her body, she described her pain level as 5, wanting to go home and sleep. She spoke of how easy it is to give and receive love from her dog Shimmer but with Sameer it still feels stiff and wants to further understand her shame.
Session #4 (1 month later) 3 hours
This was somehow done almost a month laterā¦ she had not felt the need and not quite processed her last session. Yet she felt going into her past with willingness to address shame and with awareness of her past resistance to it, she came with a higher trust and will.
She did not want Great bell chant, was well rested and slept. Had an irritation since childhood in her throat which she feels could be relevant to stress and was feeling the pain of it at level 7. We decided to work with shame and her allergic throat pain.
Since it was a while since our last session, I decided to start with current life memory and then move into the past. She had mentioned that doors seemed scary so I decided not to bring that word this time during regressionā¦
Progressive Relaxation
Ball of light
Garden, dog Shimmer/Master
She confirmed she saw Shimmer and feels rested in the gardenā¦
We moved past garden into a scene from this life that resonates with her allergic painā¦
C -I am 5 year old watching my father suffer. Iām puzzled, I donāt understand. I feel irritation.
T -Where is the irritation now?
C -Irritation is with his throat. I feel it in my handsā¦
T-Help me understand this irritaion furtherā¦
C - I am restless. I donāt know why he is ill? He cant sleep on the bed, needs to rest his head high on sofaā¦(client is crying) I didnāt want to be hereā¦I am thinking I wish the wall opens and I can enter another worldā¦I wish to go somewhere where this confusions, restless, irritation doesnāt existā¦
Stress management
T-What else is bothering you now?
C - My parents fights, my mums schizophrenic and I donāt understand anything in school in Africa. No one is my friends. I donāt know English and I donāt understand anything in school.
T- is this how you feel now when you get stressed it comes up as irritation in throat and allergies?
C - Yes it never leavesā¦everytimeā¦even after Sameer was born, same feeling of helplessness and irritation triggered my allergies much moreā¦
T- Relax and use your breath to choose now, you are not 5 years, you are an adult and have choicesā¦
C - I want to dieā¦I wish to dieā¦
T- I know she is still in trans so I ask her where is she? Whatās happening in her life?
C - A wall opens, I feel hopeless and I am drowningā¦
T- what can you see around, at the bottom ? Can you see your legs? Feet?
C- There is water all around, a lake, a mountainā¦ Client is crying helplesslyā¦
T- focus on the lake side and the mountain, lets find our feet and ground yourself on soil. Observe the lake as you take deep breaths in and outā¦focus on the mountain ā¦ on the count of 5 to 1, enter the tunnel to see a key moment that can explain you whatās happeningā¦remember you are safeā¦you have a choice and can float above anytime you choose to see your moment as a witnessā¦
C - It is in a house basementā¦there is a dark door, there is darkness insideā¦no lightā¦
T- Who are you? Whatās your name? What are you wearing?
C- I am a seller in the market, Iām in no footwear, woolen period clothes, They feel like they are not stitched together just held.
T- are you a man or a woman?
C-I am a womanā¦(concentrating on her vision by sqeezing her eyes)ā¦I havent had a bathā¦Iām very dirtyā¦
Later the client confesses she carries OCD for cleanliness in this life.
T -What do you see, hear and feel?
C - A little way up the basement stairs is the door. I donāt go out. I feel like a captive. Butā¦
Why donāt I go out? I think I was beatenā¦I was paralysedā¦then thrown in the lakeā¦
(this took sometime for the client to patch up and recall)
T-Can you tell the year and country or place?
C - Its Russia, 1664ā¦
I know ill be thrown in the lake soon. They are talking above and I can hear them. I am resigned to die. Its very coldā¦
T -What is making them throw you in the lake?
C - I am crippled. I cant walkā¦now I am not tired Iām resignedā¦I stop struggling to swimā¦
(client is crying)
T-I hear you, I understand this is very hard and sadā¦its in the past lifeā¦you are not crippled but able bodied not and very fit. Keep breathing in and out through your abdomenā¦ release the tension you might be carryingā¦would you like to understand more and go to your birth?
C -Yes
T ā On a count of 5 to 1 you may walk past a tunnel of hazeā¦at the end it will show your birth and early yearsā¦
C -I feel welcomed and receiver. There is loveā¦I see a bearded man but I donāt recognize him. He has me in his arms and is very happy.
T-Enjoy the feeling as you gaze in his eyes and feel his smiling warmthā¦who else do you notice around?
C - my grandma is even happierā¦I see her eyesā¦she is my mum from current lifeā¦
She is so happyā¦
T -Allow yourself to receive this joy and loveā¦Go further to another key momentā¦on a count of 5 to 1 go through the tunnelā¦
C -She is no longer happyā¦my legs gave up
T -Can you see what happened to your leg?
C - bones degeneratedā¦but no one seems to understandā¦they want me to get woodā¦Iām 6 yearsā¦I canātā¦they want me to dieā¦they canāt take careā¦
What happened? They were so happy and nowā¦
client tears up
T- Breathe in and outā¦this is just a life showing you its lessons and what you can learnā¦Go to your death and last breathsā¦any feelings or intentions?
C - I am angry at my grandma and familyā¦I curse themā¦they should all die and sufferā¦
T -What happens when you dieā¦can you sense or see something?
C - same confusion and lonliness is there tooā¦client take time to see and hear anything else but doesnātā¦
T -What do you do and can you choose to do now? After knowing and seeing what happened? How can you take charge now?
C - I carry the helplessness, the anger, the painā¦I know I should forgive but I donāt want toā¦
T ā you can choose to ask your masters to help find a way forwardā¦
C - I was unable to be angry on them properly in this life due to their illness. My father and mother did not hear me speak out my anger. In the past having the chance and space to take the anger out is surprisingly a relief.
T - I see you held many turbulent emotions inside youā¦that must feel so painfulā¦
C -Yes the pain of allergies in my lungs is thatā¦
T -Any other takeaways? Any resonance?
C ā Anger, irritation and helplessness in all close bonds- mother, father, Ex spouse Anil and Ex partner .Mostly I didnāt know I carry so much pain from my mother until this session. Having released that gave me much needed restā¦now I am settled. I could not understand the relationship. It was debilitating and I mirrored her mothering too. Now I understand she was a handicap person in this life, yet she tried her best. I rejected her. The reason seems to rest in this past life I saw or could be many other similar ones that explains my bond and feelings.
Iād like to go to the garden and restā¦
Client was gently taken from garden to the wake stages over 30 minutesā¦
Discussion
Client was pleasantly surprised that todayās session wasnāt jarring her , but put her to rest and resignation to surrender. She was intrigued how she never felt her mother was her main focus that left her with helpless feelings. Now having acknowledged she can move on. There is no need for forgiveness as she was not feeling angry anymore. Pain level of both helplessness and allergy is now 4.
Note- Tissa went into her past without my instructions as she was scarred of passing a door, she admitted later that she wanted to do it organically.)
Event Guilt for not feeling motherly towards her son.
Stress related allergies.
Subj Interpretation I might be a bad mum, shame
Conflict I may be carrying something from my past with shame and mothering.
Decision made to resolve resigning and surrender to the feelings that emerged
Script Its ok the feel anger and irritation but not helpless.
I want to see but I have resistance/ fear to opening doors of past and unknown.