Sometimes you have to suffer in life, not because you were bad, but because you didn’t realize where (and when) to stop being good

Sandhya (name changed) reached out to me one day and wanted a session urgently as she was having severe migraines and back pain. She was taking pain killer injections to overcome the pain. It was only during week end that I could do sessions and she was fine with it. She arrived at around 11 am during the week end. She was a lady in her 40s. She was married and stayed on in a 3 storeyed building with her in-laws and other family members, on different floors. But, her mother-in-law has an iron grip on the matters in her house.

She had multiple issues, the prominent ones being (put in her own words),

  1. Migraine on the right side, it hurts the neck and eyes too. Triggered by irritation, sudden fear – fear that I will hit something or fear of my daughter being snatched away from me, I also get it when I am unable to fulfil my daughter’s wish, when I don’t feel like living. Migraine has reduced now after having started the meditation. Frequency now is one in 3 to 4 months, but is very severe. MRI scans show everything is normal.
  2. Suffer from severe back pain. It is sharp shooting pain near the hip region and the pain also spreads through the right leg. It feels as if someone has hit me. The triggers are when I have feeling of hatred or anger. The frequency of this pain is once every 3 to 4 days.
  3. I also have the fear of someone following me. I am scared by things coming up suddenly.
  4. Fear of my daughter being separated from me due to my death.
  5. Feeling of throat choking while speaking to people
  6. Had met with an accident in early 20s, and head was hurt. There is swelling of that area at times. My academic performance went down after that. I have fear of vehicles and don’t want to learn to drive. I don’t complete my educational courses, I go blank in exams. Health is usually impacted during the exams.

We started the session around 12.40 pm. Progressive relaxation was applied. I have shared the details of the session below.
Me: Go to a happy childhood memory
Sandhya: Lot of people speaking and moving around. I am sitting on stair, playing. I am circling………7 to 8 years old. I am on the terrace.
Me: Go back to time when you were an infant.
Sandhya: I am in the cradle. Mother is cooking. Small girl is moving around ……. That is my elder sister. I am just moving in the cradle.
Me: Go to the life from where the migraine headache comes
Sandhya: I am going…. Happily walking. Am 14 years.
Me: Go back to the previous day dinner time.
Sandhya: Big table is there. I am sitting. There is bowl of rice. Mom is sitting. Can’t recognize her from this life.
Me: What is your name?
Sandhya: Don’t know.
Me: Go to the significant event from where your headache is triggered
Sandhya: Some people are shouting at me.
Me: What are they shouting for?
Sandhya: I am not proper. Head is not working.
Me: How old are you?
Sandhya: 25 years
Me: What is happening?
Sandhya: My head is aching.
Me: What is making them shout at you?
Sandhya: They don’t want me to stay there.
Me: Where is this place?
Sandhya: Not my dad’s place.
Me: Are you married?
Sandhya: Yes.
Me: Do you have children?
Sandhya: No. I see open space.
Me: Is your husband there?
Sandhya: He is not there. They are speaking loudly. My ears are paining…right ear is paining. They are screaming. They are dragging me to a hill.
Me: Who is dragging you?
Sandhya: One lady and a person.
Me: Look into the lady’s eyes. Do you recognize her?
Sandhya: She is my current life’s mother in law. She is holding me tightly.
Me: Do you recognize the other person.
Sandhya: No. They are pushing me from top of the hill.
Me: Which place is it? Which year is it?
Sandhya: Don’t know.
Me: What is happening now?
Sandhya: They have pushed me. I have fallen on a rock. The fall was very deep. I have hit the stone. Head first – right side and then the left. Hurt near the neck. The back is also hurt. (After coming out of trance, she mentioned the back had broken). Body is not moving. I am floating.
Me: Did you suffer for long after the fall before your death?
Sandhya: Little time. Floating now. It is becoming dark.
Me: What are your thoughts at the time of death?
Sandhya: Happy to have died. I did not want to live.
Me: What makes you happy to die?
Sandhya: There are no good people. The lady - thin and skinny lady. I don’t want to stay with her. She will kill me. Let she be happy now.
Me: What are your feelings towards her?
Sandhya: No feelings. I have forgiven her.
Me: When have you forgiven her - was it at the time of your death then or now?
There was silence…
Me: What are your lessons from that life?
Sandhya: Why am I alone? We cannot change people, they will remain same. She did not like me. I was not her choice.
Me: What choice?
Sandhya: I am seeing the light.
Me: Ask the light for help. Ask what you need to do to get rid of your headache, back pain and leg pain
Sandhya: Calm down.
Me: Do you want to carry forward the pain?
Sandhya: No
Me: Ok. Pray to the light to burn the pain. There is no need for you to carry it forward.

After sometime,
Sandhya: My head feels heavy now. Want to come back.

It was 1.50 pm. We took a break for lunch.

After lunch, we took a break and then started the next session at 3.45pm to explore more details from that life. Elman’s relaxation technique was applied followed by progressive relaxation.

Me: Go back to the lifetime from where the migraine comes.
She was breathing heavily.
Sandhya: I see myself moving very fast. I see water and greenery. Blank.
Me: Go back to the time when you were being dragged to be pushed down the hill. What do you see?
Sandhya: I am telling them, please don’t push me.
Me: Go back 10 years and see what people call you.
Sandhya: See a lady.
Me: Ask her you name
Sandhya: She is not saying anything.
Sandhya: I am falling. They are dragging. (She was still at the site where she was pushed)
Me: Go back and see yourself in the childhood
Sandhya: I see a pretty girl and see other structures.
Me: What is she doing?
Sandhya: Just smiling.
Me: Is that you?
Sandhya: Don’t know.
Me: Go back to the hill. Do you recognise the other person who pushed you?
Sandhya: No.
Realizing that she is able to go back in time, I decided to explore the other concern she had – the fear of separation from her daughter.
Me: Go to the time and space from where your fear of separation from your daughter arises
Sandhya: A small pond. It vanished. It is blank. Can’t see anything.
She did not progress and we decided to end the session.

After coming out of trance, we had a brief chat about what she felt. She said that during trance, she had felt as if she was actually falling and when her head had hit the rock, her hands went up holding her head. She felt her neck and spine break, and the shooting pain she experienced during trance going down her head, her neck, spine and legs, is the one she experiences at 2 to 3 times a week in this life. As she was not able to identify the name, place and time, we could not conclude if the events from this life and earlier life were getting mixed up or it was a pattern that was repeating. In this life, she was married at the age of 25. Her mother in law was not happy as Sandhya was not her choice for daughter in law. Some of the family members from in-laws family, tried to say Sandhya was mad, so that they could separate the Sandhya from her husband. Most of the harassment of Sandhya in this life happened when her husband is not around. Her migraines had started after she had got married. The patterns were repeating. We had to wait for another session to get the answers.

After lunch, Sandhya was anxious about picking up her daughter from school. She wanted the session to be completed soon. Due to this sense of urgency in the second session, she was not able to experience or visualize the key events properly. Her mind being pre-occupied with the thought of her daughter, could be the reason for her not being successful in exploring the past life after lunch. Sometimes, nothing much comes out in the first session, and more sessions are required. Venu, my PLRT teacher, refers to these sessions as peeling the onion – you go layer by layer. It is also said that at times, one is not able to remember their past life or everything from their past life, until they are ready to digest the information. The soul remembers, but the brain is new. The soul would pass on the message when the brain is ready. Maybe, Sandhya needed more time to be ready to know more or probably it is not needed for her to move forward in her evolution journey. We ended the session for the day and Sandhya left for home.

After, Sandhya left, I wondered the reason for her to carry the pain. My limited understanding is that people carry the pains and aches till the time they learn their lessons. The lessons can be around anything. In this case, Sandhya did not have any grudge or vengeance against the lady she had pushed her down the cliff, she had already forgiven her. Even in this life, Sandhya had mentioned that whenever her mother-in-law screams or ill treats her, she forgives her and moves on. I kept wondering about the lesson the pain wanted to teach Sandhya, and went to bed that night hoping that the next session should give us some answers.

The next morning I received a message from Sandhya - “Slept nicely. For a long time. Nice peaceful sleep.” We later spoke over phone and she said that she was feeling very peaceful within and had slept deep and for a very long time. She had not slept like that for a long time. She liked the peaceful feeling she was experiencing. I was happy to know that the session was making her feel better. I slept that night with this question as to what could be the reason. I said a silent prayer, asking the masters to help me with some insight.

The following morning, as I checked the morning messages, one of them caught my attention – “Sometimes you have to suffer in life, not because you were bad, but because you didn’t realize where to stop being good.” I felt this was the message for Sandhya’s session. Is this not also a message the Bhagwad Geetha gives? In the field of Kurukshetra, one of Arjuna’s contention for not fighting the war was that there would be no difference between him and the Kauravas, if he ends up killing them for kingdom, wealth and prosperity. This is something that reflected in the discussion with Sandhya, where she said that in death she felt at least now the people who had killed her would be happy. Is Sandhya doing the right thing by just forgiving the mother in law every time and is it time for Sandhya to stand up against it. Does she also have responsibility to help her mother-in-law learn her lessons? Is it her fault that she does not know when to stop taking the abuse. I immediately shared the message with her and she called back to say she feels the message is meant for her. Whatever, Sandhya will do, she needs to “Stay calm”, as she had been told by the divine light during the session. They say, “Karma is the ultimate guru.” It spares no one and all of us will learn our lessons and there is no restriction of time and space.

  1. Your client is such a wonderful person. She forgave the very person who killed her by accepting the fact that the killer was happier after that.

  2. Standing up for herself is important. Depends on how she manages the difficult situations. Verbal abuse can be managed but physical abuse is a definite “no-no” and should be reported (my belief). She did not need to die at the hands of the perpetrators in order to learn a lesson about life. Is she doing the same in this life too.

  3. I believe that it is not about “knowing when to stop being good” but to learn the lessons, the experience can teach a person, and then politely and respectfully, let the other person know about how it hurts. If the perpetrator understands, it is good for the perpetrator. Otherwise, we still need to learn and move on by understanding that Krishna or the Light or Devi or Christ lives within the perpetrator too. That means be detached from hurt and pain by understanding the other person. Teaches one how to be “mast” at all times.

  4. The Light is within us. The awareness could empower us, dig into the confident self and support in managing “external” situations. Most of the time, awareness about the Light Within is enough to change all situations and nothing needs to be done.

  5. Arjuna was a Kshatriya (protector). He needed to protect the vast population from atrocities. That’s when Krishna became His Light and told Arjuna to do his duty towards mankind as mankind needed protection. Not forgetting that It is important to manage hurt, pain and bully. In our case, it is a little different. We just have to learn to manage difficult situations calmly and peacefully by understanding the other person especially, a close family member. Love to you all!

Please do comment and guide. I would love to learn from you all.
Thank you


Thank you for sharing the priceless session in detail Beloved Harish.
As pointed out perfectly by you she was not fully present to be relaxed enough to hit the depths

Perfectly summarised.

I would recommend that our approach is always towards reframing instead of rescripting.

For example in the above could’ve been after considerable deepening
“What is it that you would need to experience in order for you to let go of this pain.”


Thank you Harish for sharing such a beautiful session and your inference and lessons learnt.
Yes this is a very nice quote, [Sometimes you have to suffer in life, not because you were bad, but because you didn’t realize where to stop being good] But I feel if its your nature to be good then why you want to change it. Its not about being good that should be changed but accepting from the heart even that which is so called bad. Earlier even I felt that Karmic account is, if you have done something you will be receiving the same thing in this life. But after doing sessions for the past 3 years my perspective about karma has changed completely. I have found in many sessions its that same soul which is receiving life after life. Maybe it is learning to let go. So the moment ACCEPTANCE comes the karmic account disappears. This is my view on this I may be wrong please do correct if required.

Thank you again for sharing this


Thank you Venu. Points noted.
Regarding the carry forward of pain, I had already asked her what she needed to do to get rid of it and she had replied “Stay calm”. This was the second time I was asking her about the pain and hence the question. I will keep this in mind for the future sessions. Thank you.


Thank you Nisha. I feel the verbal abuse is also dangerous as it can impact the mind.
I agree with your comment, “We just have to learn to manage difficult situations calmly and peacefully by understanding the other person especially, a close family member.”


Thank you Geethaji. As usual, valuable words of experience.
True acceptance is important. But, I also feel you need to stand up for adharma. This is what I have interpreted from the Mahabharatha - Krishna and the Pandavas were accepting all the adharma that was being done and then came a point where they had to stand up. Krishna killing Sishupala is one such case and the war of Kurushetra.
I kept the title as per the message received. Sadly in English, it being a funny language, does not have an equivalent word for “dharma”. Dharma is loosely referred as ‘good’ and adharma as ‘bad’. Even in this case, as I have said she needs to stay calm and handle it - I am not sure though if it is acceptance. Probably she will figure it out.


Hi Harish. What an eye opener session. Thank you for this one. Loved the below message.
The following morning, as I checked the morning messages, one of them caught my attention – “Sometimes you have to suffer in life, not because you were bad, but because you didn’t realise where to stop being good.”

Doing nothing is also a Karma.


True - doing nothing is also a Karma. Is this not what the Bhagwad Gita also says?


Yes i guess. Because i had read this quote long back on social media and made so much sense to me. It was deep.


Bravo Harish for the wonderful sessions .You all wonderful mates are always sending vibes of bliss. This message revels it’s value itself. Krishna shown the path of karma to Arjuna. Doing nothing of course is a karma itself but doing karma consciously or with complete awareness is the true lesson, that was what I think Krishna emphasized upon ,without worrying for the fruit. Awareness disidentifies the fruit but does not disregard the karma. Body and mind are expressions of soul in this physicality. Body and mind appears to be same , the former is gross so visible and later is subtle so invisible and keeps moving with the soul when transcended to or shifted to subtler on death. And when to subtlest this even is shreded like the rocket moving on its trajectory. In this way I feel that surrenderence is the best thing and it is actually equanimous to awareness.
This all to the level of my understanding. Kindly disregard this to my stupidity if it lacks clarity .


Simply love what you shared Harishji.

Bhagwad Gita: Chapter 2, Text 38, Krishna talks about complete surrender.
Shrimad Bhagwatam, 11.5.41) Anyone who completely surrendered to Krishna, giving up all other duties, is no longer a debtor and is not obliged to anyone else.


Thank you Sachin for the encouragement. I spoke to the client today and she has not had experience of any pain till date post the session. She did have a head ache a few days ago because she was travelling, but it was not like the migraine ones she had experienced earlier. She was able to come out of it fast and it was not severe like before. She does meditate and she said that taking care of herself is important was the message. The message was different from the one she had given during the history taking where she had felt suicidal at times.


Yes, I agree. Act by surrendering unto Him.


Dipti and Harish,
Both of you are so correct.
Warm Regards,

Thank you Venu. I have noted down the points. Will ensure I consider them in the next session with the client.
Best regards,

@HarishPL- i loved the title of your case study. The message for the advancement of her soul is this life may be self-love - a slightly different way of stating exactly what you are. And self love means that we cannot betray our own needs all the time /accept abuse, in order to please others. “Self betrayal” is as harmful as “betraying others”. Warmly - simran

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Beautiful session
Great learning for me too….

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beautiful insights!!!

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Thank you for sharing such a wonderful session Harish ji. The session taught me a lesson that ‘It is very important to take a stand in life’. Thank you once again🙏

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