Accepting your loved ones:
Some times all it takes is to change our pattern to accept our loved ones as they are!
Greetings! This is my 2nd Case, I am grateful for all the support I have received from my beloved family - Venu and Neha, and my dearest forum members/siblings. Kindly take your time to go through this and please feel free to provide your feedback.
Client Vitals:
Name - Varun (Name changed)
Age - 30+
Gender - Male
Hypnotisability score - 6
VAK – 681
Dominant Sence – Auditory
Secondary Dominant Sence – Visual
Eye roll test - 1
Pain Level - 8
Theme - Accepting his wife as she is!
History taking - He is a health-conscious, punctual, organized, dedicated, systematic, efficient, disciplined, and well-ordered person. He is aware of the negative impact on life if these qualities are not maintained. Consequently, he expects his wife to possess similar qualities, especially in her approach toward their children, believing that these qualities will lead them to a healthier, happier life.
Despite their love for each other, sometimes he faces distress, uneasiness, misunderstandings, and disharmony due to these small discrepancies and expectations from his wife.
He also mentioned that he did not have a good rapport with his father during his childhood which is still bothering him to some extent.
Number of sessions and overview – It took 3 long sessions.
1st session - [1 and a half-hour] Finished till Stage 8
2nd session - [Nearly 3 hours] No significant breakthroughs; a few scenes and visions were experienced. (But presented here in detail for your feedback, seeking corrections if any)
3rd session - [3 hours] Discovered the KMF (Key moment flow) stemming from painful current life childhood events and the theme has been resolved.
Session 1 – 24th November Friday
Finished up to stage 8.
Session 2 – 25th November Friday [3:30 pm - 6:12 pm]
T – Therapist
C – Client
We started with a prayer.
Induction - Dave-Elmen and progressive relaxation
Visualization – Staircase to Garden and to a Tunnel
T – Imagine/visualize yourself passing through a tunnel. Are you able to visualize it?
C – Yes! I am in the tunnel.
T – Great! Imagine that there are beautiful mystical doors present at the end of the tunnel. Choose opening any one of the doors which you may sense that particular door may lead you to a significant time where you may find the solution that you are seeking out. Try to enter into it.
T – Where are you now? Do you hear or see anything?
C – I see a dark room.
T – Allow yourself to explore the room with all your senses. Do you become aware of anything?
C – I see a window.
T – As you explore beyond the window, what do you see on the other side?
C – A forest with trees.
T – Excellent. May you try to reach the other side of the window.
C – I can’t. I don’t fit.
T – That’s okay. Visualize and imagine, you have the ability to expand and shrink your body to fit through the window. The divine healing light is still with you. Are you able to reach the other side now?
C – Yes, I am in the forest.
T – Allow yourself to explore and sense the surroundings.
C – Just trees, no movement.
T – As you look around, what do you see?
C – A small hut with a cow outside.
T – May you investigate and look into the eyes of the cow. Does it have any resemblance with you or with any of your family members?
C – I think it’s a calf. It’s alone. I don’t see any connection either with me or with any of my family.
T – Allow yourself to walk around and see if you could find the owner of the calf ? or the mother of the calf?
C – No! I don’t see anybody else.
T – As I count to 3, may your awareness take you to any near by place, where you may find something.
C – A village.
T – Are there any People?
C – Yes!
T – What are they wearing?
C – They are wearing sarees.
T – Which place is it?
C – I think it’s India.
T – As you allow yourself to approach the people and the village, do you recognize anything?
C – It seems like a vision, not a memory. Can’t recall anything.
T – That’s okay. Are you able to hear or see anything now?
C – Barrel lands, nothing more.
(After spending time exploring without finding significant details, tried the Affect Bridge technique.)
T – It’s okay not to see anything significant. Now, allow yourself to turn all your pain into a bridge. Try to cross over it. When I count from 5 to 1, and as I reach 1, you’ll be at the other side where a solution awaits.
T – Are you able to hear or see what is there at the other end?
C – A mountain and a pathway.
T – Very Good! Follow the pathway and see where it leads to?
C – To a beach.
T – Is anyone there?
C – No.
T – Apart from the beach, do you see anything?
C – No.
T – Allow yourself to look at you and see what you are wearing? Check your legs.
C – Barefoot. I think I’m the same as now.
T – May you observe the area and tell me what is the sand’s colour?
C – White.
T – Allow yourself to approach the water and check if you can see anything inside water?
C – No, it’s cold, nothing inside.
(After spending much time here, without finding significant details, returned to the garden, and with his permission, we emerged out of the session.)
Upon emerging, he was surprised by watching the time – nearly 3 hours had passed, though he felt it was only half an hour. We took a break and resumed the next session.
Session 3 – 25th November Friday [7:30 pm - 10:40 pm - 3 hours]
NOTE - [A month prior to these 3 sessions, I took a session with different theme and we explored his childhood in that. But in our recent sessions, after digging deep into the history taking, we changed the theme and proceeded without exploring the childhood part again. However, as he was not able to navigate to any of his past lives or nothing significant to this theme was coming out even after delving into the deeper trance states, it was decided to re-check his childhood events once again in the current sessions.]
A brief Dave Elmen and Progressive relaxation were conducted.
Navigated to the Garden and then explored three happy memories in his life.
Now proceeding to explore a few painful memories in his life.
T – May you explore a specific memory from your childhood that might have been emotionally impactful. Feel free to share any painful event from your childhood or when you were young.
C – When I was in Btech – 1st year, my father scolded me a lot. He sent me to the farm for a week as I was not able to meet his expectations.
(After giving enough time to process his emotions. I moved on to further events)
T – With your permission, shall we move on to any other painful event in which you felt bad?
C – Yes! When I was doing my household work, I crushed my finger. I thought my father would come and console me, but instead, he scolded me a lot. I felt very sad and cried.
[He started crying. I too felt very bad about it, recognizing how a small act of love and care from a parent can prevent years of painful hurt stored in them, even as they grow into adulthood.]
[He continued on his own… ]
C – No matter how much I do to impress him, I was not able to meet his expectations.
C – He doesn’t like when I play cricket, and even if I play cricket, I feel bad and I am not able to impress either him or myself as I am playing against to his will.
C – He always wants his son to be the best. He wants me to study well. In EMCET, I expected my rank to be below 1000, but out of a 2 marks difference, my rank was 7000, and I still bought sweets to distribute as it is also a good rank. But my father scolded about it. I was very unhappy and crying.
[I am consoling him, but in the process, my eyes were also filled with tears.]
T – I understand how bad you must have felt going through all these. It is okay to vent out all your sad emotions and feelings through your tears. It releases you from the suppressed hurtful feelings.
[He cried for some time and continued telling other events… ]
C – When I am in 4th Class. In my aunt’s place, some public celebrations (Jathara) were going on, and my brother-in-law came to take me. But my father didn’t allow me to go. He is not interested. But I’m very much interested, and I cried all night for not being able to participate in the celebrations.
C – One day I was very excited to participate in the school excursion, but my father didn’t allow me for that too. I felt very bad about it.
C – When I was in 8th class, I was a bit weak in studies at that time. I copied my friend’s homework and submitted it. My maths teacher shamed me in front of everybody for that. She called my sister, and my sister told my father about the entire episode, and he scolded me a lot.
C – One day my father scolded me for not being able to write the 18th table and sent me to my uncle’s place.
(He expressed deep sadness, and tears streamed down his face as he narrated these experiences.)
C – Due to all these issues, I left my house for a week. They searched for me everywhere.
T – Where did you go?
C – To my distant relative’s house. At that time, there were no phones, and it became difficult for them to know about my whereabouts. Finally, after a week, they came to know about me.
(He continued sharing these experiences with me for two hours. To the best of my recollection, I managed to note down only these specific details.)
Forgiving his father:
After allowing him to process all his emotions, I gradually guided him from the
Garden to the edge of the Cliff. I instructed him to recall each of these sad events one by one, using paraphrasing for each, to help him revisit and extract the sadness from each incident. I then asked him to visualize capturing a picture for each episode, placing a metal frame around it, and setting them aside.
I repeated these instructions for every incident, guiding him through the process of picturing and framing each memory. Additionally, I asked him to apply the same process to things he might have forgotten to share with me, placing them on the left side of him at the cliff. Furthermore, I requested him to undergo the same process for any future worries stemming from these episodes and place them on the right side of him at the cliff. I instructed him to let me know when he had completed the process for every future worry and all the past painful events, ranging from the smallest to the most significant events.
And asked him to discard each and every framed picture from the top of the cliff, observing as they drifted away and crashed down.
Once after completing the reframing process:
I allowed him to relax for some time and then guided him to the Garden. I asked him to choose a comfortable place and encouraged him to relax.
T – On what basis do you think your father engaged in these actions?
C - He said he wants his son to be the best and well-educated, and hence he acted as such, I think.
T – In what manner do you believe your father could have established a better relationship with you? Rather than instilling so much sadness and years of worry in you through his actions?
C – Instead of expecting so much from me, he would have shown love and care towards me.
T – Can you find it within yourself to forgive your father for all his actions?
C – Yes! I can forgive him.
T – Can you forgive him fully and completely for the person he is, with all his faults?
C – Yes!
T – Do his actions still bother you in any way?
C – No!
T – Very Good!
Revisiting History taking for the connections:
During the history-taking session, the client expressed concerns that are troubling him about his wife:
He loves his wife and cares for her, observing all her habits in detail.
He disapproves of his wife for not taking care of her health, her indecisiveness in taking firm actions, forgetfulness due to being overwhelmed with many activities, and her inclination to commit to making changes but subsequently not follow through.
Additionally, he notes her difficulty in maintaining the same sleeping schedule for their children when he is not at home, such as ensuring they go to bed at a specific time and following the daily routine. He expects his wife to be more planned and organized, especially in areas related to the care of their children and spending quality time with them.
Therapist’s reflection on childhood trauma:
I sensed that the root cause did not originate from past lives but rather from his childhood trauma in his current life. The pain he experienced during his formative years mirrored closely the challenges he faces in his present life.
In his childhood, the father expected his son to be the best or perfect, and now, this subconscious pattern is resurfacing in the son’s relationship with his wife.
(Recalling from the “Why Me” book, I considered that sometimes the root cause of an issue may reside in the current life, even when no significant connection to past lives appears.)
As I recently studying my psychotherapy course : I recollected the following lines:
and hence I delve directly into exploring and understanding his current theme of “Accepting his wife as she is”, instead of seeking the root cause in past lives.
T – What is preventing you from accepting your wife as she is?
C – I don’t know, maybe it’s my expectations, and she is also unable to change according to my expectations.
T – Do you think your wife carries a similar pain to what you experienced when your father set expectations on you?
C – Maybe, yes to some extent.
T – Do you want your wife to go through the same kind of pain for not being able to meet your expectations?
C – No.
T – What can you do from your end to maintain a harmonious, healthy relationship with your wife?
C – I need to ignore some things that she may not handle or change.
(I mentioned ignoring the things may lead to suppressing them in the sub-conscious mind and they may burst when things keep repeating and hence I suggested to keep discussing the things with her, which were impacting the wellbeing of her or the family, let her know the impacts of not being followed and ignore the things which were not much impactful or the things wihich she was not able to change or not interested in taking action)
T – What can you do instead of reacting?
C – Instead of reacting, I can respond to things.
T – What do you feel was missing when your father set high expectations on you?
C – Instead of high expectations, he could have shown more love and affection.
T – Can you do the same with your wife?
C – Yes.
T – Can you accept your wife with all her imperfections?
C – Maybe.
T – Have you forgiven your father for all his actions?
C – Yes.
T – Can you accept your father, despite the pain he caused?
C – Yes.
T – Can you do the same with your wife? Can you accept your wife as she is?
C – Yes.
Suggestions and recommendations:
I recommended that he start writing a journal titled “What can be appreciated in his wife.” I suggested that he daily jot down 5 points, a task that would take only a couple of minutes. This practice aims to shift his focus from dwelling on negative aspects that cannot be changed by his wife to recognizing and appreciating the positive things she is already doing and changing for the benefit of their relationship.
When he mentioned feeling a little low sometimes while also taking on a mother’s role and managing various responsibilities related to their children, I asked him if she ever felt low taking on a man’s role, generating income, and working hard in the company for the financial well-being of the family?, When he answered no, I recommended that it’s perfectly acceptable to sometimes shift traditional gender roles for the overall well-being of the family.
I also suggested that he express appreciation more frequently for the positive actions she has taken. This could motivate her to adjust her habits in alignment with her husband’s preferences. In the case of arguments, I advised him to respond from the roots of love rather than reacting from a place of deep-seated hurt. I also recommended that he remember that love serves as the lubricant in the relationship, helping to avoid friction when the couple has differing opinions.
Client’s feedback after a couple of days:
- He said he disclosed the theme of the PLR session to his wife, and to his surprise, she felt very happy for the step he has taken to address and resolve the challenges in their relationship and to strengthen their love and connection.
- His wife also expressed that she hadn’t thought that she was his priority in his life as she had been assuming that only the children are his priority. However, she now said she realized how much he cares about her and their relationship.
- Client also mentioned that he gained more clarity after the PLR session.
- He stated that he is now able to approach things in a broader way than before.
Absolutely! Communication and expressing our true feelings are often overlooked but crucial for strengthening relationships. I liked how our subconscious mind has beautifully came out with this valuable lesson through these sessions 
