Date: 9th of September 2023
Client: T, Female, 23, 8/10, 2/5, K , Trust issues
Client: T
Therapist: P
Client expectations : open to experiences
ADHD
B.SC Economics working
Planning to move to Canada for post-graduation
Has taken therapy since 2018 off and on
Mental status examination :
Appearance: she is well dressed, aware of her good appearance
Posture: she stands straight, sits comfortably with legs folded on the chair
Gestures: uses a lot of hand gestures, smiles often, makes eye contact when talking, not when thinking
Mood: a little serious, but light too mostly
Speech rate: normal
Thoughts : she is a spiritually aware person. We discussed about different layers of the soul; soul as individual journey, and group souls for growth; death; resting period and assimilation of learnings; karma; conditionings, etc
She seems mature and strong, having forgiven her parents for a very difficult childhood. Accepted and moved on.
Client History: TAKEN IN DETAIL
Presenting the theme :
Trust issues
Abandonment and anxiety issues
Pain level: need for emotional security 100 during volatile state; around 8 otherwise
Theme setting: Trust, Abandon and anxiety issues
Went through the PPT and explained about PLRT
Relaxation: could relax well, and changed positions often. We kept relaxing every time there was awareness
Happy memories: comfortable and with a smile every time she remembered memories.
Date: 10th of September 2023.
Session 3:
Checklist completed:
Prayer
Simple relaxation
Dave Elaman relaxation
Progressive relaxation
T: while the relaxation method was happening, I was seeing some blue, purple, magenta lights. You know how they are, which are shown in screensavers, where they just move colours. It was just blue, purple and magenta. It was moving. It was not of regular shape, like it was sometimes spiral, sometimes a blotch here and there. And in between, whenever there was a blotch or a part, it was like a strip of random faces that I was seeing. And it was very random, like faces and eyes, like a very zoomed-in picture. Like not the background, nothing, it was a very close-up picture of random faces or strips, wherever blotches were. So say, there was dark, and say there’s a blotch here and there’s a face, very probably could be eyes, nose, lips, cheeks anything and then it was moving constantly.
P: you just knew it was a face.
T: ya, random. There were faces of babies, but all were women.
P: let’s relax and this time you may speak at the same time, knowing you will still be deeply relaxed even if you speak.
T: I see a lot of eyes. They are just coming and going. I can feel they are of women of all ethnicity.
I feel they were oppressed.
[We shifted place
Relaxation]
T: just Colour again, moving
P: the colour is moving, where is this colour coming from? Can you see it?
T: it is just there, like air.
P: do you feel good in that colour?
T: ya
P: once you feel complete, nod your head so that I know you feel complete in the colour and we go ahead
T: {nods her head}
This time it was so real. I told you about colours. This time they were very few of them. When I start to picture something, the blotches sort of fade away, and I can’t picturise anything.
For some reason all these faces start with eyes, and they don’t have any pattern.
All women are of different ethnicity and of different age groups, baby, old lady with wrinkles, a young mother …
[Break]
P: what parts of faces are you seeing?
T: umm, just eyes
P: let’s go closer and see the eyes, colour of the eyes,
T: there are different people
P: there are different people, okay, where are they?
T; I can’t see
P: how many of them are there
T: a lot of them
P: are you one of them?
T: I don’t think so
P: can you identify any people?
T: I can only see the close-up of these people.
P: can you ask why are you seeing these faces?
T: now it’s just light
P: how does this light feel?
T: comforting, like auroras?
P: beautiful
T: purple, blue and magenta
P: ask the colours, what they want to tell us
T: nothing…
[some time]
P: what are you aware of
T: same, just blackness, but less of faces,
P: they are not same… some are portraits, some are landscapes, its like some pictures when you rotate
P: can you see which era are they from?
T: no, they are just faces, like a slideshow
P: can you look at your feet?
T: no
P: let the pictures come, landscape or portraits. Allow what’s happening, to happen
T: I don’t see anything now.
After some time
T: you know when we look at sun and you see light and bubbles, its like that, no source
P: can we go closer to the bubbles and see what they are
T: they are randomly occurring, no source, they are very fast moving shapes
P: let them come and go
T: I am seeing, where there are some faces and a top view of a boat going towards northwest.
P: what does the boat look like?
T: it’s a wood boat.
P: is it an old fashioned or a new boat?
T: I can’t make out
P: is it a big or small boat?
T: I can see it from the top, so can’t make it out. I can just see the lines it’s making on the sea, on the water. But it’s also overlapping with the faces.
Now it’s just colour. Magenta and pink
[More relaxation] 56 min passed
T: so for a very brief moment I saw alphabets, like symbols. But they are not symbols that I recognise. They looked like some language alphabets, but not English language.
![image|236x216]
(upload://6pXxV8qmQQWmFbPuTLfFUj4PZjH.jpeg)
T: I see a temple. And I feel like I’ve seen it before. But it’s not the kind of temple I recognize now.
P: can we go closer to the temple?
T: I feel my body light and heavy
P: are you on water?
T: for a minute I thought so too, but no, I’m not on water
[relaxation]
T: so, on the fingers that are on my belly, I feel, it gives me a similar feeling, that it would, when a cat purrs, right? Same.
So if you touch a cat that is purring, you can feel a bit of vibration and that can be sleeping, or,
[deep breaths]
T: There’s been a re-occurring eye, eyes of some animal, similar to cat or cat family, but in dark. So how their eyes glow
Also I see a pulsating light
P: how does the light feel
T: like it is calling me. But there is no way to go there. It’s just space. So… it’s not calling me, It’s indicating something
P: yes??
T: I can’t see it anymore
1:31:26
T: The faces that I was seeing earlier, I was just studying them. I don’t think I know anyone. I am getting a feeling I was studying them.
P: did you study people in this lifetime?
T: I am fascinated by them, as psychology being a subject. I didn’t study them
P: what makes you feel you were studying them?
T: I felt a compassion for them, though I didn’t know them as everyday people, but I still feel I know them somewhere. Not like in person maybe, but when you read about people, you feel moved.
The colours are back
P: enjoy the company of the colours.
T: I am starting to feel emotionally heavy
P: are the colours making you emotionally heavy
T: no they are supporting me
P: do you want to come out of regression or would you like to explore where this is coming from?
T: Ya, I would like to know where this is coming from.
[more relaxation]
P: let us go to the time where this started making you emotionally heavy. Connect to the feeling of being emotionally heavy
T: I am feeling some sense of second hand grief. Like it’s not a grief I’m going through, but maybe the people I was studying were going through
P: let’s go deeper into this and find out what were we studying about the people
T: they feel like something had happened with them. Something I can feel
P: just go deeper and find out how you were related with them
1:37:19
P: what are you aware of
T: something’s making me feel very sad, and for some reason, I can also sense, it’s not mine.
P: can you remember one of the faces? Look into those eyes and see what you were studying or how these are connected to you. You said you know those eyes
[more relaxation]
P: what are you aware of
T: the colours are faintly back
P: enjoy those colours, rest in it. They are your favourite colours
T: I see scattered pieces of land from above. So if I were to see earth from a great height, I would see the continents. But these are not the continents that I identify. I just see scattered pieces of land mass around
P: could they be islands
T: ya
P: what could these islands mean to us?
T: I’m not sure, but they don’t look like from the maps that we see now.
P: could they be from long back?
T: ya, and they are a cluster of islands together
P: could you have been an inhabitant there?
T: no. they are something I am studying about. I think I was studying people and then there was indirectly from where they came from and certainly not the other way round.
P: ok, wonderful
[more relaxation]
T: I’m just getting a feeling, I feel I was a woman with some privileges, and it seems like one of those times when women didn’t have much rights and very set norms. And I was in the privileged part of it. But at the same time I wasn’t snobby or snooty.
Which is why I feel like there is something with the women’s faces that I was seeing that affected me.
P: can you see what are you wearing? Look down at your feet.
T: I can’t look down, but I feel like I would be wearing some plaided skirt. And not like plaided, but sort of those, you know how, privileged women back then used to wear a classy attire with formals type of skirts, some pastel colour
P: what age could you be?
T: I’m a young adult. I feel like I was young. Early or mid twenties.
P: Do you have a family there?
T: I feel I know a lot of people there… but…
P: what are you doing there
T: It seems, I was just born there. But I feel a dissociated with the people over there.
P: can you feel why
T: I feel like they are mean, most of them.
P: when you say mean, what could it mean
T: they are nice, but only to people of their own kind. They seem like one of those classist people, who feel they are better than others and don’t treat others well.
P: if you look around, can you see anyone whom you can identify from this birth?
T: not really. Not yet. I feel there’s something, but I can’t get it.
I feel the person I was, I was free spirited. But I was contained, in a way.
P: contained by whom
T: people around me
It seems like a different world, of like a small sect of society, which is very close knit, but also elite sort of, so they, everyone knows everyone, which is why the sense of family is a bit extended…
They are all the same.
It seems like a time where hunting was allowed. And I was someone, who, because it was not allowed for women, I wanted to do it. Just to prove a point.
P: which country is this
T: some English speaking country. A very closed society that we are living in.
P: how does this closed society make you feel
T: while I’m liking the comfortable life that its giving, I also feel bad for the way it is getting that comfort.
P: do you think the people with those faces were working for you?
T: not for me, but I think they were working for maybe our parents back then.
[more relaxation]
T: the three colours are here
P: try to understand why they are visible again and again.
T: now they are in the background, but visible. The blue light is there.
P:look at the blue light, smile at it and see if it wants to communicate anything to us. Bow down in gratitude …
T: the three colours …
P: offer your salutations. ( I’m offering my prayers too)
Just try to understand them. They are your favourite colours, but do they have something to tell you?
T: They are gone.
P: they are gone, okay. In gratitude to them.
T: they are in the background, but not visible.
P: so they will always be there in the background, supporting us, guiding us, being with us…
[more relaxation]
P: what are you aware of?
T: its moonlight, in different shapes. Phases of moon, but they are all in one go, as if it’s a diagram
P: what is it related to?
T: I am just seeing them and I feel deeply connected to it
[after more relaxation]
T: I see the phases of the moon, but they are all in one go, as if it is a diagram.
P: ok, what is it related to? Are you drawing those diagrams?
T: no
P: ok
T: I’m just seeing them, and I feel deeply connected to those phases
P: how are you connected to them?
T: I don’t know
P: ok. Can you see your feet? What are you wearing?
T: some lacy boot of some sort
P: are you a boy or a girl
T: still a girl
P: why were you looking at the pictures of the phases of the moon?
T: I see those eyes again
P: is there darkness around these eyes again?
T: sort of
P: are you able to identify the animal now?
T: its human eyes now along with a symbol of some sort.
P: ok, try and remember the symbol. Have you seen this symbol before?
T: I normally doodle it.
P: what is the symbol used for?
T: I’m not sure. It’s some sort of a depiction of energy, but the good kind of. Its like a centre petal and 2 accessory petals.
P: is the like the Bel Patra?
T: I don’t know Bel Patra
P: That we offer Shiv ji
T: umm it’s a petal. But, its more about the shape than the material [11.45]
P: ok
T: and its sort of pinkish magenta in colour, sort of like lotus; sort of like lotus? not completely
P: haha , okay [12.55]
P: what do people do with that shape? What do you do with that shape
T: umm… not sure
P: what else can you see there?
T: sort of like, corridor… but on the left hand side there’s a wall , on the right hand side it has a … it seems like it is overlooking a veranda, but I can’t see too much on the right, or on the left… and it’s a long corridor
P: can we walk a little on the corridor? What can you figure out
T: I don’t think there are doors there. There are just pieces and artefacts, but not exactly doors
P: Okay, can you identify the artefacts? Any of it
T: they seem some decorative type, nothing in particular.
P: how old is the house? Is there a year written on it? Do you know which year it is?
T: it seems quite old
P: are there more people around?
T: no
P: what are you doing there
T: seems like I come here often
P: what type of a building is it? Is it a house, temple, school, what does it look like
T: seems like one of the residence we live in. but it’s not the permanent one
P: beautiful how do you look like? How old are you?
T: I feel young.
P: what do people call you? What is your name?
T: Elsa is the first name that came to my mind. I’m not sure though…
P: what does Elsa do?
T: I’m not sure exactly
P: ok. Just explore the place
T: I don’t think she has any profession in the conventional sense, but I don’t think she is required to.
P: go in and see the family having dinner together…
T: umm… my legs have started to pain… heavy in the foot
P: take a deep breath and relax feeling protected in the light… let us see if there is any connection of the pain with Elsa’s life…
T: I don’t think I resonate with the name Elsa much. Though it seems familiar, it seems like it does not belong to me [20.26]
P: then can we find out who Elsa is?
T: I think it’s me, but I don’t resonate with the name
P: that’s okay. Let’s explore the place and see if we can find anyone else there.
T: I’m unable to move, forward or backward with my legs
P: why is it so?
T: I don’t know, I’m not able to see anything else. I cant see to my left or right, just the corridor in front. It’s a still frame.
[After some time lapse and relaxation]
P: can we go to see the last day of Elsa’s life, or the woman’s life? Going forward in time to Elsa’s last day… of that life… 3…2… 1…
T: I just see space. Like real universal space, and that’s where the phases of the moon is … but all in one go… its not singular
P: its because time and space is only in this time space dimension , beyond this, everything is a parallel universe.
[25.06}
P: let us see if there is a connection to the faces, the eyes, the boat , the lady with the decond hand grief, to Elsa
T: I see trees, …sort of like pine trees… tall, but its all a night setting
It’s a night sky and I can see silhouette of trees.
*
*
P: okay… where could this be?
T: feels like a small place
P: look at the base of the pine trees …
T: I feel like I am in the lawn, in the lawn of sort of that place where we are at, and we are playing. I can hear laughters, and just playing
P: what is your age
T; I think I’m of the same, young woman age
P: what are you playing
T: I think we are trying to catch each other.
P: who are the people playing with you?
T: some of them seem to be friends, some of them seem to be my cousins…
P: look at them, can you identify anyone of them from this life time?
T: no
P: what are you wearing?
T: a gown of some sort. A relatively comfortable evening gown, not occasional one, but a regular everyday gown
P: what is the colour of the gown?
T: Bluish, with some pattern and lacey, white lace around
P: are you married? Do you have a partner?
T: I think I am a bachelor
P: do you have your parents around?
T: I think there are some ladies are at the back, sitting under a tent
P: how are you feeling then , at the time, when you are playing with your friends.
T: its joyous
P: can we go ahead to any significant moment of that life, or back, . let us go to any significant moment of that life
[more relaxation]
P: what are you aware of?
T: there is some carriage, and we’ve been escorted to sit in front. And it looks like we are heading to some event because of the outfits.
*
*
P: where is the event?
[long gap]
P: can we go to the last day of this life
T: something tells me it has something to do with the black silhouettes and the pine trees and the forest and the sky and it has to do with the evening gown occasion that we are heading to
P: so let’s see that scene, where you are going in that evening gown
Follow the trail of the events
T: its just dark
P: what is happening. Go to the last moments of that life…
T: but this place seems familiar… looks like a regular routine route… it seems like a place I regularly come to, but this time it feels off
P: oh!! Feels something different?
T: hmm,
P: go to the last moments of that day
T: I think it has got something to do with the forest
I can’t see any further.
P: at the count from 1 to 10 , you will be aware of your body and of your surroundings
In between session discussions
T: I felt like one of those people, you know how people have lower stations, and you are not supposed to… There was just one person, who has probably seen me grow up, and is very kind to me, is really nice, and so I am kind to him. It is a good friendship of sort.
For some reason though, I feel like, somewhere he was involved in me dying. Even if he wasn’t the person who did it, I don’t think he was the person who did it, I think he knew that it was going to happen…
Like, how you know something is gonna happen, but you don’t stop it, I think he knew this was going to happen, but he didn’t stop it
P: although he had seen you grow up since childhood, he had been around, and it was a friendly relationship,
T: and not that old person either
P: he was roughly quite your age
T: ya
So it had got to do with our carriage journey through the pine woods and some sort of mishap there… and some wild animal purring around and it was not an accident , it was an arranged thing, and this friend knew about it and didn’t do anything about it.
p: so you are the type of person who might get flashes in the few days to come. So please be aware, write down or make voice notes and note down whatever come to your awareness.
T: I just googled and found out that ELSA was a short-form for ELIZABETH. Now it makes so much more familiar sense.
Last session :
Inner child healing
After session discussion
T: apart from my experience of that life time, where the trust issues came, I have enough lessons from this life too that enforce the trust issues
Both of us laugh a bit
T: I don’t understand how I can fix my trust issues
P: just trust yourself… just trust yourself, look within , see what you can change within yourself. You cannot change anywhere else. Trust yourself and you will start vibrating trust around and you will start attracting trust.
What you give out comes back, right!! so that is the only beginning you can do. Trust yourself and radiate trust.
T: moral obligation is also as per one’s convenience. We have set moral compass or moral obligations based on what’s convenient for us. Where we do not have to take any responsibility, we voice our concerns. That’s how it is
P: yes, that’s somehow true too. But even if we take the responsibility of our thoughts, our words, our actions, I think it’s enough.
We both smile and decide to finish
Follow-up: she is better.
Notes from the therapist :
This seemed to be a very difficult case. Every time a clue would surface, and we tried to explore the clue, it just vanished and something non-related would come up in the client’s experience.
We tried to implore certain aspects, but the pieces didn’t fit at all during the sessions, but only after it ended.
Also comes the understanding that the practical living has its own ways , and that it is totally unpredictable nor can we have unique solutions to one problem. Every time it is different.